Going through a break-up

@gentleDreamer12

Hey there <3

First of all, I think that it was immensely brave of you to come out and create this post. From what I have read, I can tell you have been very strong in dealing with the knowledge of your medical issues. I am terribly sorry for the unfortunate turn of events that took place with your significant other. Marriage is something that needs to be done responsibily, and I completely understand why you had the intention of marrying your significant other. However, there seems to be a clash in both yours and his plans in the near future; it sounds like it would definitely take a lot to deal with it. Therefore, I would like to reach out to you personally and be your shoulder to lean on. I really appreciate you for being this strong to hang on to the little rays of hope you have. I am certain that in due time things will look brighter, with fervent and persistent faith. And I know you are capable of having that c:

@gentleDreamer12

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. Theres a few things i would like to point out;

So, there is this guy I love a lot. The way I looked at him, he knew how much I loved him. He also says he loves me a lot and I am the one for him. We were in a long distance relationship for 2 years. Then, I started having some serious health issues. I am facing many problems because of my parents and the only way to get out of their lives is to leave this place(home). (This is going to always put you on anxious state where you might attempt to take the first chance to leave them to feel loved and needed. This might cause you to live with someone else if the chance presents itself, this is going to come with a lot of conflicts) To do that, I need a place to stay and someone beside me to take care of my medical emergencies like surgery. Now, when the time came, I asked him I cannot manage my parents any longer and he has to marry me or be with me as a live-in relationship. (You are basically giving him an ultimatum because you want him to save you from your parents, these kind of ultimatums never work because its as if you arr trying to force the other person into doing what you want so its going to backfire) But, he said, he is not ready for that and he told me to get married to someone else and be "happy". (Im not surprised he gave this response, you tried to put pressure on him with an ultimatum)I was just heart-broken. So, slowly, I started to prepare myself that we are not going to be together. It is very tough. I still have feelings for him. This is all very fresh wound. Now, he called me saying, "I cannot be without you. You have to wait for me like 5 years. Then, I may marry you." (This tells me he felt smothered and then started to back away, so he started saying sweet things when you started to back away. He expects you to put your life on hold for five years while he goes around meeting new people. He said "I may marry you", it doesn't sound concrete or 100% sure, it translates to me this; "If i dont have someone else on my life then i may marry you".)

One thing he consistently says is, "I am not going to marry anyone else. After my finish my respinsibilities at home, I will come for you. If you are not there, then there is no one else in my life.(This sounds too romantic to be true, this feelings could change tommorow, next month if he meets someone) But, your case is different. If I can't marry you, you should atleast marry someone else and be happy in life."

I thought of him as my future husband and I cannot imagine anyone else in that place.

I really like him but it is not practically possible to wait. (True, he expects you to put your life on hold for 5 years, anything can happen in 5 years) He was in a video call with me and he saw me. He also knows that my health is deteriorating and I cannot wait for him.

Here, what I mean by waiting is, the only option is for me to go out of my home and live alone.

I don't know what to do. I thought about all this and I was clear about one thing. I have to be happy, no matter what. I have to take care of myself. I had breakups before and got over them in a period of time. But, with this guy, I am unable to. Because, when I am making progress, he contacts me and again, I start to feel hope maybe there is a future with him. (I know how this feels...it can be hurtful to go through this. He sounds like he is not emotionally available or theres this closeness issue. He backs away and stops trying, so you do the same protect yourself, but then he contacts you with all of these promises and such. I believe he is being selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings) It is like, I take one step forward and he pulls me two steps backward. (Its like the boomerang effect with him, but then it feels like a rollercoaster when he is back in your life, and it becomes even harder to move forward)

If I move on, I will definitely be happy. (You will because he is not emotionally available and have this closeness issue that will make things complicated) This pain will be there as long as I have feelings for him. (I can completely relate to you on this, its hurtful going through a cycle with this person) Please help me. I am trying to be strong but I am unable to be for long time.