HELP

Hey...can anyone please help me with figuring out whether i have NPD or not...i cannot consult a therapist right now because i am not yet financially independent and i dont have access to good therapists in the area where i live

The reason i am doubting this is:

I have been in relationship with smone from the last 6-7 years. That person cheated on me and lied to me multiple times. The cheating was first disclosed to me in 2020 i was devastated but my partner lacked empathy to even understand my pain...i tried understanding his side and gave another chance only to be cheated again in Dec 2021.Recently i got to know that i am being cheated continuously since 2018 and i was lied to many times in the last 4 years

I really doubt if that person is narcissist or i am

Some facts about that person(my ex) -he lacked empathy to feel or understand my pain when he cheated, had no remorse, even left me alone crying to handle stuff(silent treatment), he manipulated me many times, cheated and lied many times, even gaslighted me , keeps apologizing for bad done but kept doing wrng to me , dont know if he loves me but he says he wants to improve

Some facts about me - i just know one thing for sure about me that i am empathetic i put others before me, i was loyal and honest in this relation completely, i really loved this guy and tried understanding his side, i destroyed my career and i have lost me in this relation...there are days/weeks /months where i go numb and dont do anything productive even if its a deadline

But what makes me feel i have NPD as per what i read

1.i fantasize that someday i will be successful and i will have a healthy relationship with my partner as in fantasizing ideal love

2 i like being admired and i have low self esteem...sometimes i feel uncomfortable but it feels good to be admired

3.i expect my friends to help me when i approach them or reach out..i expect them to take efforts for me but when they dont i feel as if they dont care for me and i stop communicating my issues and presently i have no friend

4.i feel i am left far behind in my career and i do get jealous of people achieving more than me and people who are hard working because i have literally stopped working on me and i have not been productive for months now even if there is a deadline

5.i think i try to fill up the gap of not being successful or having wasted years by sometimes playing on the little knowlegde i have

So my questions are:

1.Am i narcissistic or my ex is narcissistic or none of us

2 Should i go back to this person?

(I keep going back to this person even after being treated wrong, if i try implementing no contact strictly this person keeps texting,calling ,mailing from different ids and i end up breaking no contact, i guess its trauma bonding and codependency but i dont know)

3.i feel anxiety and panic for wasting so many years around 3 and i feel i have not grown for years and wasted so much time and opportunities...how should i deal with this regret?

HELP ME..PLEASE..