Has anyone lost attraction to their partner for no apparent reason?
Hello,
I (29) have been dating my boyfriend (27) for just over 2 years now and about 6-7 months ago I lost attraction for him. Some back story; I went off birth control around that time and I also had to get my breast implants removed due to a complication; so many body and hormonal changes took place. It has been a long few months and get weirded out when he wants to get intimate as if I see him as my friend only. We have not had any sexual relations for many months now as I have no attraction to him. To note: my boyfriend is the best, kind, geniune, caring, smart, good career, healthy, very fit, is my best friend and my safe place where I can totally be myself. He never makes me feel insecure and I know I can trust him, he is honestly majority of what any girl could ask for as to why this is so hard.To be clear I do have sexual desires but just not towards him anymore and to random made up men in my mind or on tv.
I know in the begining I was attracted to him though I know I have been more attracted to other men more in the past. Though me thinking that I am attracted to men that arent necessarily good for me. I didnt really like the way he kissed, he has trouble communicating and isnt good with emotions as he grew up in a very European houshold and has not had alot of sexual experience so physical things have always been a bit stiff but I was still attracted...
I was just wondering if this has ever happened to someone as they were able to be attracted to there partner again? We have talked and since it has been so long we are coming to that facts that since I am not attracted to be better off as friends. I do not want to regret breaking up just to end up with someone who I am attracted to that is not as wonderful as he is if that makes sense.
Any insight would help, thanks
Hi there, I had a situation that made me lose attraction to my long term partner. I have invested most of my life in the relationship and I wanted to see if it was possible to get it back . So I wrote a few letters as I'm not a good communicator. One letter was a list of all his great qualities I love, one letter was of my intimate fantasies that I really needed to fulfill to feel connected and satisfied, one letter was about my feelings of disconnect and that I wanted to reconnect with alot of eye contact and just being quiet together. I was so nervous to give him these letters but I did because I was desperate to save our long relationship. To my shock he loved all of them. Our intimate relationship has rocketed to outer limits of excitement and we spend more "quality" time together. I'm happy to say that I recommend not giving up. You maybe have some lasting emotional affects of the things you've been thru. It might be blocking your ability to reconnect with him. I had some stuff happen that was affecting me and I went to therapy and it saved our relationship. I'm very happy because he really is a great guy. Best of luck, hoping you can try to reconnect. One more try only gives you a chance to do it and no regrets even if it doesn't work out. I'm glad I gave it another try.
@amiableBlackberry92
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, and that sounds so wonderful... I think the reverse to this is that my boyfriend is the one that is not a good communicator and hasent had any real dating experience besides me. I feel he is in a way not connected with himself and has alot of barriers in his own emotions. His family only started to say that they loved eachother "i love you's" and with him growing up like that emotions and communication was not big in his family. I feel that dissconnects us and the passion isnt there, and to be completely honest he is akward at times and feel as though I have to keep "teaching" him which I dont really want in a partner. Im not sure at this point if he need to live life without me and go through his own experiences to connect with himself or he needs to speak with someone. But as it stands its almost like im the one with the "problem" as I am not attracted to him. Its funny I always knew these things early on in the relationship but I am slowly starting to see them. It does really suck how he is such a genuine and kind person. I just dont want to feel like I am "creating" my partner and for them to build themselves in the way they desire and want if that makes sense.
I think you should definitely try because it could just be a phase you know
@Nondualmindfulness
Oh for sure I have been trying for many months now in different ways but I guess Im at a point when do I say enough is enough, as this is hard for me I know it is very hard for him.. I feel so guilty as time goes on, he does deserve love and affection and someone to be attracted to him.
@frankAvocado7575
first of all, I would like to appreciate your courage to confide in what is troubling you. And to be open. I can see that you care about your relationship and your partner. You think about it and you want to solve it. It bothers you that your partner has stopped attracting you. I do not want to assume. But from what you write it seems to me that you feel helpless and guilty. And these feelings are totally normal. You are human. You're caring person also and you don't want to hurt your partner.
Sometimes it just happens that our partner stops attracting us. It's just like that right now. That's how it is. That doesn't mean it can't change in the future. May or may not. But we cannot force ourselves to be attracted to our partner.
Being attentive, caring, smart, good career, healthy, very fit as you write about your partner are definitely nice qualities. We can appreciate and be grateful for them, but they may not attract us. I wonder what behavior is attractive to you? For example we may be attracted to other qualities like independence, responsibility for ourselves, emotional resilience. What attracts you? If you want, you can write me a private message. I will be happy to help you. Take care.