Having trouble healing after breaking up.

I left my partner of two years after their BPD symptoms became too dangerous to be around for the sake of my own mental health, and in retrospect I’ve realized just what an immature, hateful, hurtful person they are and regardless of whether or not they have BPD. Something tells me they’d be the same towards people even without their diagnosis. They’re the kind of person that subscribes to the idea that it’s not their fault how people perceive them and that those perceptions aren’t real, that ‘it’s not my fault -my- actions hurt you, that’s on -you-‘ and I’m so frustrated because here I am with my heart ripped out while they continue to think it’s okay to be an asshole to people and have no consequences. I’ve even considered hook ups to numb the pain but I’m also demisexual so I can’t just be with -anyone-. My ex. also treated me like more of a parent (bc I was constantly having to clean up after them, our apartment was perpetually a disaster) while they got to act as childish as they wanted, so if I ever find anyone else I don’t want that. I want someone independent who can look after money properly too, even if they’re on welfare. My ex. and I are on welfare for disability, but she’d frivolously spend all of her money and then complain about being broke. She’d also yell and scream at me if I did something as simple as forget to wash dishes or put certain things in the wrong spots in the kitchen because my memory was shot from dealing with her behaviours. It got tiring as hell. I have no issues with people who can manage their BPD properly and medicate/do therapy as much as they need, but my ex. was also unmedicated and just wanted to be a lazy stoner, so unfortunately I don’t think I’ll ever date anyone with BPD again. I have wonderful friends with BPD that are healthier and medicate and do therapy, but sometimes I’m even skeptical we could ever date healthily now. I’m just, really sad and angry and lonely and my depression’s getting bad again. I put in a referral to see a counsellor via my doctor’s office IRL soon, but I’m struggling with holding on until then :