Heading Towards an End
I'm depressed. I feel hope for a moment and quickly go right back to feeling empty, lonely and hurt. I know my ten year long relationship is heading towards an end and there isn't much I can do to stop it, and maybe I don't want to, maybe its time to end it. When it first began it felt so perfect, as always rose colored glasses I suppose, so maybe the perfection I felt is not as unique as I once thought it was. Fast forward this relationship has major committment issues, and I am losing hope. I can only see the darkness. I used to be able to turn to him but now I can't. Our issues shut him down. I can't bring it up or he goes silent. I feel like I have to wear tape over my mouth. He isn't cruel. He doesn't have ill intention but I also don't think he is consciously aware of the way he responds when our issues arise. I don't expect a relationship to stay on that honeymoon high, but it is awfully eye-opening when you start to feel like the person you thought would never become what you feared becomes what you feared, and when I say feared I mean that they could be someone who could hurt you emotionally. I feel like I thought his hands were safe enough to place my heart into, but I was wrong. Where is the man who would listen, who gave me the time of day, who found adventures with me, who I felt emotionally safe with? I thought he was sure about me, but now he isn't? Wow. Did he ever feel sure about me? Its been 10 years? And if he knows I'm not enough then why not say goodbye
@bubbleVillage19812
I can feel your hurt from how you write. All is not lost, and it can be better.
The advice I will give assumes a couple of things, I will tell those. First, neither of you are cheating or already at the start of a relationship with another. Secondly to have an open mind to consider from different ways of thinking, difficult to do.
As the woman, do not think of the issues you have with him, or what he fails to do, or anything else negative about him. Honestly focus on the things you like about him, specifically anything he does that you respect or admire. Really focus on those and tell him how much you are grateful for him being the man that does and is those things that you admire and respect. For now.. just ignore anything else about him that you find annoying, as long as you are not in danger.
Why this advice. The feelings you tell are reflections from him and from him, it is reflections from you. In our bodies, our mood and feelings are controlled by chemicals that are produced by certain behaviors and ideas. One of you can break the cycle and turn it around. The normal man at his core deeply desires to be treated like a strong man, regardless of if he is. What that means is that you will act a bit girly and submissive with him and say things that make him feel like you are impressed with him and find him amazing. At first, it will be difficult because initially he might not even be hearing you and it will not affect or even he might give a bad response. After not very long if you continue and stay strong in your resolve to do this he will start to feel more like a man (the good type) and will naturally change his behavior some. Convince him that he is the most important thing to you in all ways and that you would do anything for him (within your boundaries...). The thing is, is to make him feel like you really desire him in all ways and that you feel like he is a strong man and for you.
There is usually no way to talk these things out because it is rooted in emotional feelings. One of you has to initiate the change. I could tell him how to do it also if he was asking. The advice would be different because he is not a woman, but instead is a man and not the same. If trying to talk about it and negotiate with him, it can turn into a contest of wills. Not what you want, you want to change the desire you both have for each other.
Good luck, and ask anything you like.
