Heartbreak

My two year relationship ended today, and I can’t believe it’s over but know I won’t be getting him back. We have been fighting a lot lately because he hasn’t been able to make time for me, and I have continued to express I need more from him. It has gotten to the point where it is a constant fight and a constant worry of when I would be able to see him again. We live 90 miles away, he has a daughter, and for the part everyone will now hate me about, he’s married. I didn’t know he was married when things started, but I fell head over heels and when I found out I couldn’t break it off even after him telling me his wife knew about me and that was their “arrangement” because they weren’t intimate and hadn’t been for years but stayed together for financial reasons and their daughter. 2 years later, and only seeing him a few hours every 4-6 weeks later, it’s over, and I have seriously lost my best friend. I know he still cares about me deeply, otherwise it never would have lasted this long, and I know him ended it wasn’t easy, as the reason is that I’ve been too unhappy and he can’t give me what I want and deserve. And all of that is true, but I can’t believe it’s over and I especially hate it because I lost my temper on him because I was so upset yesterday about… us not spending time together. He had let me down a lot in the past few weeks with us both having busy schedules and I just lost it. I suffer from abandonment issues, codependency, and self esteem issues, and see a therapist regularly for it, but I still lost my temper. This breakup hurts more than my previous divorce, and I can’t believe it’s over. He says he still wants to be in my life, to support me and be a good friend but I don’t know how I can still let him be a part of my life when I love him so deeply and it hurts so badly to not be together. Well anyways, I needed to just went because I am feeling so alone and deeply heartbroken because I know I just lost my best friend.