Heartbroken

I fell in love with a man that doesn't want to be with me. I knew it from the start, so I thought I'd keep my feelings for myself.

But then I noticed he started liking me back, and couldn't hold them any longer.

He let me out of a deep and silent depression, and i could breathe again. Only problem, he really didn't want to be with me. He didn't want a relationship with me.

I would tell him it was alright, i knew it already, i just wanted to love him and know that i was making him happy with the little gifts i made for him (poems and drawings).

He would love them, but not like the fact that i had wrote them for him. It didn't matter much, i just wanted to interact with him. He was the first and only person that made me feel alive. But then I noticed a change, just as the first one. So i asked him if he really liked me, and he said "I changed my mind, I don't want a relationship" and "I like you as a friend now".

I felt like nothing had a meaning anymore.

After some weeks of trying to keep being alive, he started liking someone else.

And i decided i had to take a pause from him, even though interacting with him had been my only way to feel happiness, or even anything - pain was still something - at all.

I spent almost a month thinking about him from when i woke up to when i fell asleep and sometimes I'd even dream about him, and missing him. I'm still not over him, and today he texted me again (first for the first time since the days he was liking me) and my heart started hurting again.

I know love, I have already fallen in love, so i can totally say I fell in love with him.

I just can't get over him.

And I honestly don't want to get over him.

I just don't want to be this hurt, it's so long already and I'm tired of feeling this intense and crushing pain.

I don't even know why I still want to talk to him.

But without him, everything is so meaningless, and useless.

And I'm in so much pain right now.

Help. Please, help.