He keeps hurting me but I can’t let go...
my boyfriend and I have been dating around 6 months. We’ve had issues throughout the relationship mostly on his side. He hurts me again and again with his actions, we had a solid and great month when we saw each other frequently in January. But then this month is terrible. He was acting weird and I asked him again and again if something was wrong. He said there wasn’t but later at a point he admitted he lied bc he felt off but didn’t know why. We got to this point because he posted something on social media and I commented saying he had a girlfriend and then he deleted my comment without telling me because he was afraid it would be less popular. He admitted that it was wrong however it hurts me still. Stuff like this and him not telling me how he actually feels makes me cry at night a lot. We are moving to different towns and we’re planning on breaking up but wanted it to be healthy so we can be friends but I was so mad at him I told him we were thru. But we havnt had the chance to talk in person so we are going to next week. However all I want to do is be with him and touch him again, despite all the hurt he causes? He’s the only man I’ve been intimate with and the first as well. And I just can’t let that go and don’t know how? Subconsciously I am hoping we end up being physical the next time we speak even though we are supposed to talk about our relationship. I can’t imagine myself with anyone besides him but he hurts me so much I don’t know what to do.
Being the first Person you have been intimate with makes this a hard decision on the emotional side. But his behavior towards you, basically not acknowledging your existence is a RED flag for further intimacy - since it will hurt even more down the road.
I can definitely relate to you. I’m going through a similar situation where I wasn’t treated right and we broke up but he still wants to be friends to be healthy etc. I know how hard it is to want to spend time with him and just be around him but you have to put yourself first. Think about the nights you’ve cried and if it’s all worth it. Also a question to ask yourself is how is he treating you post breakup? You sound like an amazing person and you’ve been able to live the past years of your life before you dated without him so you can do it again. I wish you the best!
@blueMango5550 It sounds as though he has not been meeting your needs as your boyfriend and causing you a lot of pain and heartache. I hope that you are able to define some boundaries for him and stick to them. Boundaries are so important to honour and respect our self worth! I believe in you!