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User Profile: Cchai3lsu
Cchai3lsu February 2nd, 2023

So my girlfriend of 8 months recently told me that we should take a break. We are currently long distance, but it’s only been three weeks since she moved further away. She says that I didn’t do anything wrong and that the long distance has made her want this. She says that she has been wanting a break since she first got to her new home, even though we seemed so close right before she moved away and we often said that we are strong enough to make long distance work. She would always ask me if we can do it, and I would always reassure her. A few days ago she spent the entire day hanging out with a guy friend alone after I said she could. I trusted her. The whole day she was with him, she would barely respond to my texts and she wouldn’t return any of my worried calls when it got around 2 AM. Turns out, she spent the night sleeping on a couch with him at his place. She claims nothing happened, but I don’t know what to believe anymore. She did end up telling me this and that was the reason I learned of this. After she told me, she said we needed a break. I asked her why she feels this way and why she could betray my trust and spend the night at this guy’s place, and all she could say was I don’t know. Then she said that she is feeling confused about her feelings and that she loves me as a friend, but not necessarily as a partner anymore. She said that she could see herself getting attached to someone else because of the long distance. She said I did nothing wrong. She didn’t even seem to feel sorry or bad whatsoever that she borderline cheated on me and wanted a break from me. The crazy thing is is that I still love her just as much and I believe her when she says that nothing happened between her and the guy. Since then, we have talked a lot less. I’ll try to say something, and she will just send me a picture of her face. It’s like we are strangers and that we didn’t spend the last 8 months brainstorming baby names, looking at houses, and getting wedding guest lists ready. Over the last few days, all I’ve been able to do outside of school and work is walk. When I’m not walking and reflecting, my mind runs wild and I can’t focus. For her, she has spent the last few days partying and drinking with both guys and girls, which she never did and was against when we were together. She’s also spent the entirety of the days hanging out with the same guy friend and other friends, who she also works with. I’m just so blindsided by this. I finally texted her some of my thoughts, and her response sounded like we are officially breaking up. I don’t know what I did wrong, and all I can picture is her laughing, smiling, and hooking up with other guys while I’m miserable. Help.

3
User Profile: Skansly
Skansly February 2nd, 2023

@Cchai3lsu

i can understand the situation your are in . as far as the platform goes i am not entitled to give you any advice but for your situation , i believe it it takes 2 to maintain a bond . its a better choice if you can let her go and write all of her memories you spend with her in your personal diary and lock it. write it with the intention that you want to keep your memories locked in pages of your diary. and just a added thing, its better if you totally become strangers, even in future you are her friend , it will trigger memories in your life . take her out of your life completely if it helps until you can move on. it will only hurt more with time as you go through it. i would say that there was some hope if she chose not to tell you about it. but she felt guilty about something because of which you know the truth . and that something is what scares me as it would deprive you of your health mentally.

User Profile: DamagedDad89
DamagedDad89 February 3rd, 2023

im Going through a similar situation with my wife right now. I struggle with the fact that I still love her even after she had an affair. I know what you are looking for right now. It’s not here man, no one can give you any advice or anything that will make this instantly feel better. This is a storm that we are just going to have to ride out.

User Profile: CatzInTheCradle
CatzInTheCradle February 3rd, 2023

It seems like she’s not the person you thought she was. Maybe she’s not particularly apologetic because she feels more free to be herself outside of the relationship. She has definitely been inconsiderate with how she ended things and it’s definitely not fair on you at all; but it’s better that you see her for who she really is sooner rather than later. So often “a break” is just code for “break up”. But with the way she is behaving it would just torture you if she decided to stay in the relationship and then every night she is just partying and hooking up with someone else while you lose sleep over it.


I’m sorry you’re hurting. No one deserves that. But definitely try to perceive her more clearly. It might be the last thing you feel like you ever wanted; but being apart from her is possibly exactly what you need.


Wishing you strength and courage!


CatsInTheCradle