He misses me but doesn't contact me
Hello, so my situation is so confusing. we broke up almost 2 years ago but after that we realized that we have some feelings to each other but our relationship didn't continue in serious ways (only s"x and etc.) but i ended it one year ago so i saw him last year and i ended contact with him in March. after No contact rule he started to ask about me to my friends and now he still contacts with my family member very often (3-4 days a week he writes her stupid or smart things and it's like he wants to keep in touch with me via my sister ) cause once he said to her that he can't erase me from his heart but after that he didn't say anything about me (just he says stupid things when he sees my sister's stories if i'm there) but why he still contacts with my family member if he doesn't want me back and if he wants me back why he doesn't contact me ?
p.s. his pride habit is so stressful
p.p.s. i love him and i need right advices urgently
@anethahoffmann
Hi.
I would suggest thinking about why the relationship hasn't worked in the past. Think about what caused the break up. Most likely it is a contribution of the two parties involved.
Once you figure out what the problem is, you're half way there. The other half is to solve the issue if you want to.Try to improve yourself for your own benefit first, and for the sake of the relationship second.
Ask yourself what you're looking for in a relationship and what you want out of a relationship and whether your ex can provide that or not. If not, then its best to guard your heart and focus on yourself until you find the person who will give you what you deserve.
Honestly, it's almost immpossible to have a physical relationship and stop your heart from getting involved. I think each one of us owes it to themselves to not bring pain upon themselves with their own hands. You mentioned having a sexual relation without an actual relationship or commitment. In my opinion, please don't do that to yourself.
You can ask straight out what he wants and why he's doing the things he's doing. You can ask him if he wants to work on your relationship. Maybe he's just having a hard time moving on and next thing you know, he's with someone else trying to get over you because he doesn't think the two of you will work. Guess who'll be crushed, then? You. So communicate with him. If he stands by his position to remain broken up then ask him to give you some space and respect your need to recover and heal. Meanwhile you can gather your thoughts and get clear on what you want and need. Who knows, maybe he won't be fit for you anymore. You can love someone and still let them go.
Hope this helps.
@anethahoffmann
Sounds like you are still interested in him. And he also in you. It could be the separation that causes that or allowed that to grow. If neither of you have a current partner, I did not see any reason in your writing to not talk to each other and investigate other than a no contact rule.
Not really questions, just some ideas, and no guarantee that they are correct....
What type of relationship would you want with him. Are you a very independent type or happy to live with him in his world. If you would feel happy to allow him the leadership position then it is very ok for you to be the one to contact him first. If you are very independent and want to have a completely equal or even be the dominant one in the relation then you would wait for him to contact you, if ever.
If the no contact rule was implemented by you, then you would be the one to remove it... as he would continue to follow it out of respect.
Good Luck
@metalwater everyone around me say that i should appreciate myself first and continue this no contact rule.. other side says that i should write and then meet him and talk about everything... this advices and situation messed me ..
@anethahoffmann
to me it sounds like he is trying another way to get messages to you since you requested that he doesnt contact you directly hes respecting your wish but wants to let you know he does still care about you and is hoping your sister could intervene in the situation and help him get the two of you back together since you dont want him to contact you
@jennysunrise8 so in your opinion is like my sister should help us?
@anethahoffmann
sure your sister could help if you are both afraid to contact eachother which sounds like that is the problem you can have her be a messenger to deliver messages to eachother
@anethahoffmann He may be in touch with your family if he's genuinely friends with them, even if he's done with this relationship.
It also could be he may not have the guts to contact you directly, either and is working his way there.
@ReadBooksDrinkTea Everytime when i start to forget about him and also stop to contact him,exactly in that moment he starts to contact my family member and also my friend and he reminds about the good memories of our relationship,also on the last contact with my sister he said that time changed him. Also he doesn't contact me directly because our last conversation was with bad words from my side and he maybe is scared about that i will say again that words to him.
@anethahoffmann
it does sound like he is afraid to contact you why are you not wanting to contact him ?
@jennysunrise8 I'm also afraid to contact him because he may say some heartbreaking words because of his pride...
@anethahoffmann
He is seeing your sister?
@humorousDay8793 no
@anethahoffmann
Im sorry if my queation was offensive in any way. Its been my bad experiences that usually the one thing we just can not accept as a possibilitiy, can be the reason things arent making sence. Ive seen it all. My sister was caught sleeping with my other sisters husband. Yea, real grimmy stuff! But it happens. I hope things work out for you.
I came for help but quickly realized i could help others. But now im stuck. I wanted to ask if you ever just feel like you cant take another chat? I took over 500 chats in about a 3.5 week period of time and i may have over done it. Some chats were several hours long. Now its been several weeks and i just cant take a chat request. Now, when i look at all the people needing a listener, i just cant except any. Im not sure why. I might bfeel depressed at all the pain out there, and im fearing i cant handle it, or i might just need to clear my own issues. Im stuck now. All i do now is log on and off at all times of day and night, then go to my member account and play a word game, or post something, but no chats there either. Thank you for your thoughts. Blessings
@humorousDay8793
Hi there! It sounds like you are experiencing compassion fatigue, more commonly known as burn out. I recommend taking some time to practice self care and relax. When you're ready to sign onto your listener account, here is a listener forum discussing self-care and burn out you might find useful <3
@MonBon
Thank you, i will do that. I really need to get myself back or im no good to anybody.
Blessings!!-----< )__________)) )
