He wanted kids and I'm not ready
I ( 23F) ended my relationship with my fiancé (46M) on NYE after telling him that I’m not ready to have children. I told him I still want to get married but I want to wait a year to two years before having kids but he wasn’t willing to compromise.When we met he did say that he wanted to have kids and I honestly thought I was capable of doing it because I loved him so much and we would make it work. He agreed to get married and even convert to my religion before we have a kid. But he also had a list of demands he wanted me to do, like get braces, get my Masters Degree. Then he said he didn’t want us living together right after we got married because he wanted to buy a home first. So he was expecting me to raise a baby at home with my parents. And he lives 5 hrs away from me so I know he won’t be around all the time. Now I do realize that I was being groomed into the perfect trophy wife. I do admit that I ignored some red flags. Anyways this past week he introduced me to his family and he’s never done that with anyone he’s been with before and he told a few of his friends that we were engaged. So when I ended things he was embarrassed that he would have to go back and tell everyone our relationship is over. I am devastated because I truly care for him but he has completely stopped communicating with me since everything happened. It’s hard to stop talking to someone that you spoke to everyday for the past year and a half. I know I made the right decision because I felt a sense of relief, but I’m completely heart broken and I’m trying to get through this. Was I in the wrong ? Did I lead him on ?
@FolioGirl26
I am really sorry to read about this experience you've gone through. Sounds like a great deal of pressure was placed on you in this situation. However I noticed you said this: "Now I do realize that I was being groomed into the perfect trophy wife. I do admit that I ignored some red flags." And this: "I know I made the right decision because I felt a sense of relief, but I’m completely heart broken and I’m trying to get through this. Was I in the wrong ? Did I lead him on ?"
That sense of relief goes hand in hand with the realization that you ignored some red flags. This is because, ultimately, they come from the same place: your gut feeling. Your gut feeling will never lie to you. Your brain might be misled by sweet words (especially if intoxicants are involved), and your heart might be swayed by promises of love, but it's your gut that analyzes it all, like a little CSI crime lab inside you, and goes "Hold on there, girl, things aren't what they seem."
Did you lead him on? From the sound of it, he led you on, and applied pressure to be sure he got his way. Braces? Master's degree? A baby? That's a lot for a 23 year old. Quite honestly, I think you escaped by the skin of your teeth. While I understand the heartbreak, and am sympathetic because I have had my heart broken by many a man who ghosted me, I do think you will walk away from this experience wiser and more aware of your own inner strength than most people your age.
Always, always, always, listen to your gut feeling. If a situation, a person, a situation feels wrong, it IS wrong-- for you. You have the right to decline, say no, say you need more time, whatever. If he's embarrassed at having to admit you called it off, so what, those feelings belong to him. He should be more embarrassed at pressuring a woman half his age into having a kid before she's ready!