He wants me to cut ties with my family and covert
I've been dating this guy for 1 year and 7 months and it was the best and happiest times of my life. This person had always made me feel safe, loved, and special but when things got serious is when the problems started to pour in. When I first met this guy I told him that at this point in my life I'm looking for a serious relationship that could potentially end up in marriage, and he mentioned he was looking for the same. About 3 months later we were so in love we decided to talk about marriage, we were very compatible in nature and we both got our families to meet and talk things out. Things started getting very serious and both families started talking about wedding dates and the wedding but this guy didn't seem too excited about the wedding and kept bringing in excuses to extend the marriage such as his sister is not married yet, etc.
When I noticed his disinterest and lack of excitement for our marriage I started to question him deeper. We are both different in religion with his religion being strictly veg while I was non veg. When things started getting heated on what I would need to give up for his religion he said this wasn't going to work and broke it off unless I converted to his religion and cut ties with my family who I dearly love.
Even though he called it off I could clearly see he loved me and every time we meet I could see it in his eyes that he loved me, he's said it too but says it's over. He still tries to talk to me everyday even after I'm lost
It sounds like he really does love you but he got overwhelmed when the dreams started turning into a reality and he had to think about practical day to day problems like what about food if you start living together? Religion aside, most vegetarians would never agree to eat non-veg, or be fine with veg meal cooked in the same kitchen as meat, or be ok with the smell of cooking non-veg, not even in the name of love. What is your solution? Keep eating non-veg and let him suffer? I'm sorry for being harsh, I'm just confused about your expectations from him on this subject. As for his other demands, taking control of your money and making decisions, asking you to convert and not allowing connection with family, it's a disaster waiting to happen in my opinion. The final decision is of course yours but I quietly hope that you will not give up your independence and everything else that matters to you. Perhaps you should try to talk to him again and see if you can find a compromise that sounds good with both of you. All the best. 💞
@neonPineapple8403 "He also said that I need to give him access to all my money and that he would decide on how to raise the kids if we we're to have them."
NOPE. He's not nice and sweet and kind. Aside the religious thing: he's abusive. Demanding control of ALL your finances is a classic sign of abusive behavior and will be used as a means to control you. Fast foward like 10 years from now and you've got kids and investments as a couple (house, other property, etc.)...but you want to leave. But he controls the finances and you have no money.
RUN.
@ReadBooksDrinkTea Thank you. I think that's exactly what he was trying to do. Take control of everything so I can never leave him. He had never brought up these points before, he brought it up after some situations with fights. There were occasionally times when we had strong arguments/fights and during those times when i felt overwhelmed I would just get up and leave. He asked me what if after marriage you left me one day, and then started bringing in these conditions.
@ReadBooksDrinkTea When I said he was sweet and caring he used to always buy me food take me out and sometime buys me necessities and I have not paid, but he's never bought me gifts before or surprised me with anything. On my Birthday he took me out to shop because he didnt know what to get me. He would give me advice and came with me wherever I wanted to go. Etc. I'm thinking I'm misreading what it means for a guy to be a good potential husband or relationship material. This was also my first relationship and I'm in my late mid/late 20s so I wasn't sure what to really look for.
@neonPineapple8403 If I did not have the context of your previous post, I would have thought this was sweet, too. HOWEVER:
1. You never paying is a subtle power move. Many people believe the man should pay, etc. but given your previous posts to me it's more like "you're in my debt, so I should control your finances now that we're married."
2. Not knowing what to get you: this could be seen as a cluelessness thing, but if he wanted to have a long-term, serious relationship, how could he not know? No idea at all? Not even like a gift card? Making you do the effort?
The 2nd one is (to me) more subjective but given the financial themes in your previous posts I'd still say: RUN.
@ReadBooksDrinkTea Thank you for the clarity. It's scary how he was the complete opposite during the time we started the relationship out and till almost a year, he would support my parents 100%, run errands for them, helped mend my thoughts when I had arguments with them by supporting them. Also, for finances mentioning we should share the account, etc. The last 7 months was when he started bringing things like this up, each one after a fight towards his list of conditions. Its scary how people change, or it was in his plans before and it just blew up the last few months. It may also have been a plot to just get me to let him go and move on because he kept telling me to stay friends after April but acted like a bf which is what confused me.
Just trying to analyze to avoid this in a new relationship. I want to make sure I ask the right questions to avoid another potential fail or heartbreak when it can be avoided.
