How did you know it was over?

@AirAang

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

My wife and I have been married for 2 years and together for 12, we've had some ups and downs but mostly all external to our relationship (lesbians with hateful and unaccepting parents). (I don't think it has been just extrernal facttors affecting the relationship, there's probably more internal than external) I'm starting to think we can only be successful when there's chaos. She's never happy. (if she has insecurities or its not happy from within then she is going to seek for an outside source to provide the happiness she lacks from deep inside. This is where it gets tough because she would also project unmet needs on you)I try and I try and I try and I'm never enough for her. (I could see why you would say this, it puts you in a position where you are drained from giving and giving without seeing she is happy. You could do things to enrich someone life, but you can't make them happy unless they feel a level of happiness inside. When you say "Im never enough for her" it indicates there some low self esteem issues, and this is how you felt growing up. There's also a chance where you always felt like you had to do something on order to feel loved or feel connected) I don't touch her enough. I don't kiss her enough. I go out with our friends and she's lonely, even though she was invited. (I can sense you are drained and tired of this situation, rightfully so after trying so hard. I get the feeling she wants to connect with you 1 on 1, such as asking her out on dates or going to a vacation where you both spend that time connecting) She tries to catch me in things, like not wearing her ring to see how many days it takes before I notice. (This indicates she is hyper-vigilant of certain things you do or don't, these kind of things bother her, but she expect you to know which shows she is lacking a certain level of maturity. She expects you to know things just like a parents is supposed to know when it comes to their children. I also think she purposely withold communication, which it builts and then she comes across as hostile) We are obviously both miserable, when do we call it quits? (Honestly? if you feel like you can't do this anymore then you have to really consider if this is something you are willing to invest) Who will do it first? (It might have to be with you)I don't know what to do. I love her but I don't think we are meant to be. I can't make her happy and I'm tired and annoyed. (You also got to look at her actions, you are investing in her while she keeps asking, so this does indicate she is caring mostly about her needs)