How do I turn off the overthinking?
We broke up two days ago after dating for four months. Everything was going amazing (seemingly) but after something came up in conversation he brought up that he didn’t see me as someone that he could he see himself marrying. It hurts and I’m sad and I have moments of being totally fine with reality as it is, but when I get sad I dive deep into my brain and it sucks. I want to be able to move on, it wasn’t that long and I know I’ll be able to, but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t want things to magically work out or that I haven’t been pondering what the “something” is that he said was missing for him. He said that everything else was there for him and that he liked being in a relationship with me, but that “something” wasn’t present for him. How do I stop running down the endless thought paths, why can’t I stop the thoughts of what I want to happen? Ugh.
It'll be fine, you need some time after all this. Everytime I started overthinking I did something for myself, like reading a book, brushing my teeth, just caring about myself. Going out and meeting new people helped me a lot. I went on dates knowing that I still wasn't over my ex, I just wanted to get to know new people and get distracted. The sadnees will still be there sometimes, but with time it'll be better.
I would like to ask you something, you said that he said that he didn't see you as someone to get marry with, but..what about you? Did you saw him as material for being a husband? Trust me, i know break ups are a big blow to our egos because we believe ourselves to be unworthy, but in return ask yourself if he was the husband material..
You are still entitled to feeling a bit of grief over a 4 months relationship. It is absolutely ok to feel obsessed and sad for a while. You can focus on the fact that he did you a favor by telling you that he did not see himself with you in the long-run before you started to invest in living with him and projecting yourself getting married. Please do not make the mistake of blaming yourself for this and thinking that something is wrong with you.
