How should we end this?!

@placidVillage3490

Hi Everyone, (Hello!)

I'm here because I need help desperately... I know I can't keep things up with my current emotional status in life, it's doing damages to my work and life. I need some guidance on what to do to get myself out of this and how to make things better in life. (I will try my best to help)

The story is long, I'll try to keep it simple. Me and him met at work as colleague, he told me that he's with someone at the time we met, but they only had one child at that time. We got closed because the other three colleagues wanted to started our own business together. However, arguments happened easily between partners, me and the other female colleague was trying to solve the miscommunications between them and went out to have a talk with him. He had some drinks and ended up telling us that she cheated on him with one of his best friend and he couldn't forget and forgive,(He wanted to punish her for her cheating) that's when we started to get closer and ended up together. I thought they'll break up, they were not married, but were together for a long time and have a son. Their second son was born after me and him being together, but he said she got pregnant before we got together. He did that on purpose to keep her around, to make her not able to cheat on him again.(This here shows the kind of man he is. Even if we 100% believe what he says, he manipulated and tied a woman he does not love into staying by cold heartedly using a baby.) Since the baby just came at that time, he couldn't leave them like that. (Now he is using the baby as an excuse to keep you hanging and waiting) She already knew about me by then, she flipped out because he promised her that he'll treat her well if she comes back from that relationship she had with his buddy...(Here he got his revenge for what she did with his best friend. He lied to her, got her to suffer and unable to leave with a new born baby)

All these years, we spent most of our time together since we worked together at the same companies until we established our own. (Here it shows she is helpless due to some reason not able to leave him even though she was unhappy that he is with you) He said he was only going back to that home because of the kids, I believed him on all the things he told me. Even when they had their baby girl, he said she did it while he was in sleep, and she wants a girl so bad, so she insist to keep the baby after she found out. I believed him on that too, and I know that the kids are innocent, they deserve a loving family. I tried to break up our relationship many times during these 7 years, but it's so hard since we have to work together in the business... (Here you are making work an excuse for this relationship. It's not necessary to be in a relationship to be able to work together. It is a matter of drawing and maintaining clear boundaries.)

I was dealing with all the emotional tortures all these years, I got brainwashed to believe that everything was okay as long as we truly love each others. He's 10 years older than me, and he knows me really well. He always says that we have a lot of things in common (you don't have the kids or second spouse or alternate relationship. You don't lie or manipulate people so no, you don't have so much in common), and he knows my soft spots, he plays guilt trips on me whenever I ask to break it off.(When you realize someone is playing you, you don't ask. You simply break it off. YOU owe yourself the dignity and respect that you deserve.) So things are just going back and forth, until I saw a message he sent to her last year. It was not too long after we purchase the property to settle our company in, he sent her some property pictures and told her that he will buy that for her when he gets the money. He showed that picture to me before too, but he asked me to work harder so I can buy that for him. I was shock when I saw that, and I felt being used immediately...

That's when I started to paid attention to his messages and calls, I finally realize how stupid I was to believed into what he told me... Things been going down quite badly since then, I've been thinking restlessly and still couldn't figure out what to do. I did offer to give him everything and leave, but he said he couldn't handle the operation of the company by himself, he would rather to selling the company together and move on from there. (Selling it would bring you at least a fair share of the proceeds and returns for whatever hard work and financial investment you put in all these years. The emotional investment is lost but at least it ensures not everything is wasted!)

We still live and work together now, I had to pretend that I didn't know anything about what he said to her and acted like we're still together.(You pretend because you want to remain in denial about the truth. It is not easy to confront facts and take the steps needed. It's alright to take your time and take action only when you feel comfortable) He lied in front of my face saying that he loves me and doesn't want to break up with me, but turns around to tell her that he's only with me for now because he needs me for the operation of the company and he wants to dig out more money from me since he's not able to do much even if we sell the company now. (He isn't able to do much but that is not your problem. You will have a clean slate and a good amount of money from the sale share to start afresh) Because he has a bigger plan and he needs the financial support, and he'll lose that if I take my share of money and leave after the sell... (again, his loss is not your problem if the cost comes at your emotional and mental health. You need to consider whether you will be able to rebuild and restructure post sale.)

I did think about to just drop everything and leave when I felt like I couldn't handle this anymore, but I don't want to lose all my hard work and my faith (faith on what? When you have had so many flags and choose to ignore them, it is not fair to blame misplaced faith. Faith is a great thing but we need to choose wisely where we put that faith! It's always better to keep the faith in yourself to protect your dignity, goals, emotions and respect.)... Am I crazy to think that maybe he was lying to her instead?! (This is wishful thinking and again you want to be in denial with everything you saw over the years.) I know I need to get out of this ASAP or else I'll drive myself nut, but I really don't know where and how to start. (Simple steps first, walk out of everything and put the business up for sale. No need to spend hours and weeks arguing shares, something is better than nothing. Accept whatever share you get and never turn back to this painful phase of your life. You deserve so much better but it can't happen as long as you keep yourself locked to this pain) On top of that I felt like I want to put up for revenge, what did I do to deserve all these they put me through?! (The best revenge is to be happy and successful. As he stated before in regards to that woman, he can't forgive or forget. You and he both know he can't make anything a success alone but you can!! So make that success happen for you, find your happiness in life away from him. It will heal all this pain)

If I didn't discover all those they talked about, I would just keep working hard to have our company keep growing in the direction we planned. I thought he would be the one that loves me and knows me, the one that I can settle down in life with. Even though I know he already got married before and have children, maybe he doesn't want more children, but we can still walk through all the ups and downs together. At the end, everything were just lies... I still couldn't believe it, how can he act so truthful and sincere when he was with me; and why on earth that he spent 7 years with me to make me believe that he loves me?! (Greed is a fascinating thing. It makes people behave in ways difficult to imagine)

I know I don't have much options here now, is either I stay or I leave everything behind... but I'm not happy for both options. (The third option is to sell and take your share.) Am I asking for too much for having my career and a good lover?! (No! It's not too much but if you keep hitting a stone you can't get water out of it. He is not capable of being fair or respectful or good to you so no matter how much you try, this man cannot provide you the comfort and love you seek) They said (Who they? Nobody gets to judge you. When you're unhappy, it is your own decision to stop whatever is causing that pain and seek happiness outside it.) I'm too greedy and asking too much in life... I didn't want to settle for less, that's why I don't have a family yet. Or maybe I just couldn't seems to get the secured feeling with anyone in my life yet?! I thought I spent my life going after dreams and goals, but I started to question myself lately... What am I really after in life, what do I really want? I thought I was going after what I want, but after all, maybe I was just trying to avoid what I don't want... (you chased a dream and you found it was an illusion. The chase brought you pain but it also brought a lot of life experience so that when you next chase happiness, you will not be hurt so easily)

I don't know what to do anymore... Can anyone tell me please?! (Please stop putting yourself through this torture. Step away from the pain. Sell and take a break from everything, go on holiday for a couple of weeks to think and have space. Good luck!)