How to Move on when both parties still love each other?
My boyfriend and I just broke up about two weeks ago. He broke up with me (drukenly) because he is scared of doing long distance when he leaves for law school. We are both each others first relationships and both of us fell really hard for each other. He told me if we weren't so young (23) that he would be proposing to me but he just isnt ready to be with the woman he is going to marry.
I am really close with his family, especially his mom. She has been so supportive and told me that she isn't losing hope on us because she saw the way we interacted and how we looked at each other and that it was real love between us. She said she hoped her son realizes it before its too late that he is making a mistake because i am a great person and fantastic for her son.
We both want to stay friends, but its so hard to be with him and shut off these emotional/sexual feelings I have toward him. Do I just let him go completely from my life or actively try to salvage the friendship?
@umichgrad I am wondering, what would you do if you decided to try to salvage your friendship?
@Harry53 We have a lot of TV shows we always watch together and mutual friends that we hangout with. So I think it would be starting to hangout and not acting on any emotional/sexual feelings. We still have been talking almost every day just about our day to day lives
@umichgrad I think that spending time together and not acting on your feelings would be quite difficult. It would most likely lead to more frustration for you and you won't be accomplishing your goal of maintaining your friendship by doing that.
@umichgrad I was your age once and believed relationships would last, but realistically, friendship w/a guy that you've slept w/ and know personally is rarely possible. Guys in their early 20's are just experimenting and unfortunately, the relationship w/you is not on the top of his list. He is going to school and developing a career and going to get more drunk and more parties and most likely more women. If he comes back to you after he established his life, then you two were meant to be, but if he doesn't, at least you know ahead of time that it may happen this way. I am not being rude, this is just reality. Men don't grow up until they are about 35. They are more focused about work/school and escapades in their 20's, by the age of 30 they should be married or found the person they choose to marry and have children and have a career. After that, men just like to work, reproduce, and then retire w/a nice 401K .. so don't vote for Donald Trump. I am serious honey. Go to school yourself. Don't worry about guys.
@umichgrad
Honestly, if you do want a friendship in the long run, cut things off for right now. Take some time to yourself. Having a bit of distance from him will help you find balance within you. Seeing him out and about in group settings and being cordial is one thing, but the personal interaction is generally going to make it more difficult to process the hard emotions that come with a breakup. After time (and healing) you'll likely notice that it's easier to be around him in general settings, or see what he's up to via social media, and occasional individual contact won't bring back the big rush of emotions (good from the relationship or bad from the breakup). At that point, more of an actual friendship is possible.
@umichgrad
The hardest part about a breakup is letting go of the other person. Being friends with your ex is possible, but not as long as you still have romantic feelings for him. Trying to win him back or waiting for him to realize he wants to be with you is going to be more painful than trying to move on. I know from experience that waiting for someone to change their mind about you is like reliving a breakup over and over again. You deserve to be with someone who's crazy about you, who couldn't imagine living without you, who wants to spend every waking minute with you. And it's ok to be afraid of things changing, afraid of losing someone you care about. Things will get better even if you don't feel that way right now. Take care and good luck!
