How to move on from a toxic relationship

@toughHuman1327

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

Im ashamed to say I was the other woman. (I could tell you are willing to settle for less than what you want, so this is going to make the other person value less. I can also see you rather settle for less than to lose him)

5 years ago, i started hanging out with a co-worker and was led into believing that he is going through a bad marriage and wants out. (This is always the typical reasons you would hear from marry men/women who are afraid to end their marriage, but want to hook up with other partners behind their back. They will never be able to tell you in details why the marriage isn't working out) Months went by and we started falling in love - I gave him a timeline of one year to get out of his marriage or me. (I think this was a bad idea because you were willing to put your life on hold for someone who was married. I think this should have been dealt with during the time you two fell in love.)

One year passed swiftly, we were happy and enjoyed each others company until I brought up the question of whats next for us. He told me he couldnt leave the marriage because of his son (Excuses...This one of the typical excuses that are used. I could understand it will be tough for his son if they end things, but it will be even tougher for the son watching a marriage that is not working out) and he assures me that he hasnt touched his wife in years and were sleeping in seperate rooms.

Being emotionally attached to him, I waited. After being with him for 2.5 years, his ex-wife filed for divorce. (He was two afraid to file up the divorce, so she did it for him) He tried to leave me and I was depressed, I couldnt get to work, shower, sleep or eat. I even attempted to down some pills while I was intoxicated. (I could understand you went through a horrible time and it felt awful knowing he could leave you. I do think this triggered your past issues, so you were dealing with the present and past situations combined into one which made things so overwhelming for you) Seeing me in that state pains him and he went ahead with the divorce which took almost a year to settle.

By the 4th year we were together, I noticed hes changed. He started visiting nightclubs with call girls, yelling at me for nothing and hardly home. (I think your fear of losing him was so terryfing that it leads you to put up with mistreatment and indiscretions. You felt like you didn't deserve more, so you started to let him mistreat you) He left me in May 2017 eventually. I was devastated. (its understandable after you two were together for a long time)

He then turned back to me in Dec 2017 and I thought we could make it this time.(You did good here by not reaching out, so this make him wonder about you and then he reached out) But no. He broke up with me a year later saying he wants to go back to his family eventually. He also said he will come back to me if things dont workout with his family. (Wow...what a selfish comment by him. In other words he told you this "Hey wait for me, be my backup in case it doesn't workout with my family". He is fearful to be alone, so he always needs a backup in case it doesn't work out with you or his family. I think he is not behaving like an adult, and expects you to be there waiting for him. He is showing you inconsideration for you and how you feel, and he will never change) I need to let go cos that is the right thing to do, (Never give him a chance again, because this is always how he is going to behave) I just dont know how to stop loving him. (It takes time, you will not stop loving him over night because you two had a long history together. Feelings don't work that way, it will take a long time for you to heal and to move forward)