How to stop this aweful feeling

I'm sorry you have not gotten any responses. I read your post earlier today but couldn't post because of internet troubles. Anyway, I wanted to thank you for sharing your story. I have been though a similar situation. I don't have any answer. I am still trying to figure it out myself. It has gotten easier to deal with it overall but some days it still hits me full force. I miss my best friend. I'm here trying to build a support system for myself. I am trying to connect with people on the hobby zone forum. I am trying to get back to doing some things I know I enjoy. Knitting, painting, photography...

@Dalia1990

Hey there, thank you for posting your situation here. I would like to point out a few things;

He was suffering from a failed relationship, that caused him great pain (It does sounds like he was not able to completly heal from that relationship, so he'll carry that hurt and pain to other relationships which will cause triggers). , I did my best to be with him in these bad times, I felt like a mother that wanted her son to be okay no matter what , I gave him a lot of time and attention willingly , (I see what you mean, you did gave him everything and a lot of your time. The thing I'm noticing here is that he probably came to you for support constantly which could be why you felt more like a mother and a bit less his lover). but deep inside I knew that this relationship has no future , because of the religious differences , that's why I never told him that I loved him , but what was between us didn't need words , the way we treated each other couldn't be anything but love ! (Religion diffirences can be tough to overcome at times specially when you found a person who you connected and bond with so deeply, its really heartbreaking. You can correct me if im wrong, but is another reason you didn't say "i love you" to him was because you didn't reach that point, or your emotions engage to the point you would say it, and say it first as well?) He was the one who confessed first, and I didn't need to confess , love was clear in everything I say and I do , I told him that it's impossible to be together and that if someone good came to ask for my hand I can't say no , my family won't let me do it , he tried with me for some time but then..I guess he got tired (It can be quite heartbreaking hearing those words from someone you love, but also heartbreaking for the person who has to say it since theres no other options because of the religion differences) , but nothing changed between us for the next few months , but then I began to feel the coldness of our relationship, it was a feeling I could not tolerate, I felt like I was loosing my best friend (I could tell he stopped trying here, its hard to say the exact reason, but it may be after the words you told him, even though you had no choice but to tell him). , my dearest one , the only one who was able to hear and understand me ! I felt extremly jealous , seeing him talking to other girls , and because of the pain I felt I decided to leave so many times but I just couldn't , and I hated that (In here I could tell you felt like he preffered talking to those other girls instead of you, so it made you feel jealous, lose emotional self control and to avoid it and to gain closeness you tried to leave him) , I hated my weakness in front of him , and I hated how in everything he do and say , he started making me feel like I am just a normal friend , nothing more , nothing special , (I know this is hurting you, and it was not easy to see all of this, but at the same time he probably decided to seek a potential partner since you told him about the religion differences and how if someone comes along who ask your hand then you wouldn't be able to refuse. Hearing that could make a partner slowly backing away and try to meet other people.) after he used to say that he ignores others just to talk to me , I started feeling that he ignores me to talk to someone else ...I convinced myself that I was feeling jealous just as friend and that I was exaggerating, but deep inside I knew it wasn't the truth . (In here I could tell that you didn't feel like a priority in his life, and how he was not making the effort he was once)

someone asked for my hand , my family said yes , and I had to say goodbye to him (This is probably one of the most hurtful and sad days you had to go through, im sure it wasn't easy telling him those things). , in that moment and while talking he told me that he is in love with an other girl , he told me that he loves her the same way he loved me (That wasn't a good idea to say to you, after things ended between the two of you) , I felt extremely hurt , I thought : either it was some kind of punishment or just...he didn't care enough ,and it was likely the second option ! ( its hard to say)

because I know him , he isn't that kind of people who would say or do mean stuff just to punish someone , + he wasn't upset or anything , quite the opposite , he was kind , sympathetic , and trying his best to make things easier for me , and this made things just even worse . and , because that truth was harsh (Not everyone would have handle it like he did, its just tough being able to handle it like he did. He sure stayed centered and composed throughout everything) , I chose to believe that he was lying to make things easier for us ,what a relief ! but few weeks ago (This was probably a coping mechanism to feel less pain and hurt) , I knew it was the truth , he was dating someone else while we were still talking ,I felt stupid and naive (The thing is that he was allowed to do all of this even though it was hurtful since you someone asked for your hand, so he is bound to look for a potential partner) , there were time when I was upset of him because he forgot about my birthday , now I know that he was dating an other girl , that I was just an other friend , I meant nothing to him by that time ..(The getting upset part, I could see why it would bother you, but I could sense you had expectation of him to remember the birthday and possibly do something nice, on celebrations such as birthdays its best to not have too much expectations of people wishing happy birthday because if they don't then it might hurt you a lot).he told me many excuses but never the truth .he kept telling me that I was his little girl and everything instead of letting me know what was really happening there :/ (I could why this would bother you here, he should have been more truthful about everything)

this love meant everything to me , the most beautiful experience I had in my life ,and now..it turned out to be a lie , now I discovered that I was not that special or just that...(The thing is that you two couldn't be together, and you both were going on separate directions in life)this love wasn't really a big matter for him as it was for me . because he wouldn't move on so fast if he really loved me (The thing is that this wasn't something that happened so fast, it was something that started happening slowly. Sometimes people stop putting their best foot forward, thats when the love starts to slowly fade, from the looks of it he decided to find another partner).he wouldn't say "I love her the same way I always loved you .''(I thought this inappropiate of him to say to you, this would hurt anyone) I was just a passing person, easily replaced with someone else , I can't handle this truth it hurts like hell , and I feel guilty , extremly guilty because I shouldn't feel all this while I am with someone else ! But I can't , I just can't ignore this pain , If just this story remained a beautiful memory :( (its just unfortunate that there was religion differences between the two of you, but i do know that the hurt and pain you are feeling is incredible, being with someone you don't really love, while wanting someone whom you love but its with someone else. You definetly deserve a lot of happiness and love)