IT'S OVER, I'M LOST.
IT'S OVER! I feel so lost, so alone. I feel so much pain right now, it's unbearable. She's will always be my one true love, I don't think I will ever love anyone ever again. We've known each other since we were 15 got together when we were 19 and have been together ever since. She's is all I've ever known. She's is my everything. How do I explain this to my daughter's (8 & 10 years old). How do I even face them. In in so much pain, and I don't want to turn to old bad habits, all I want to do is buy a bag of dope, grab my knife and start cutting. Ever since my mom died when I was a kid that's the only way I knew how to cope. I've been soccer for a long time too but that's all I want now, is to return to those old friends of mine. I know that it will make the pain go away, it will make me numb, and numb is better than this. It feels like my heart is being stepped on inside my chest. My whole life has revolved around her. And the worse part is that I feel all the blame, I feel like this is all my fault. If I would have just given her the attention she's deserved and begged me for none of this would have happened.
I'm so sorry. Please call a crisis hotline 1-800-273-8255. Tbh maybe you should check yourself into a treatment program if you are in crisis.
@carpenter83
I am so so sorry that you are going through this. It is one of the hardest things in life to cope with a relationship coming to an end... we feel the loss immensely especially if that person was a big part of our life for a long time and has made a great impact on us. Though the journey to healing definitely will not be easy, I know you will get through this. In your post you mention wanting to turn to old habits that you used to cope, but it seems you finally turned away from those habits you used to use. I think one thing to remember and is important to remind yourself when you have the urges to turn to things that you feel are not good for you in the long run is the progress that you have made in the past to stop doing those things. If we remind ourselves of the hard work, motivation, and energy we put into moving past those habits, it also reminds us why we decided to move away from them in the first place. There are other methods to healing that don't harm our mental and physical health, though we might feel in the immediate sense that these things will help us and give us relief. You are not the only one, and you ARE NOT alone in this. Despite it being difficult to tell them, you still have your family (your daughters), and you also have support in other places like 7Cups to help you heal and get through this very tough time in your life. As always, please contact crisis as @Daydreamer47 indicated above if you feel you are in crisis with thoughts/actions of self-harm or suicide.
@carpenter83
I am so sorry to hear of your heartbreak. I can feel your suffering. I can feel your pain.
I too lost someone 4 years ago. I thought I would never get through that pain. In fact I felt like my soul was broken in half. I didn't want to keep going either. I was in a very dark place at that time . I think the only thing that kept me taking one tiny step at a time was my kids.
The pain of that loss was excruciating. I found a therapist and started antidepressants and I've been pulling myself up out of that dark place. It takes time and self care and dedication to myself and my kids. I couldn't leave them. I am safe and doing better now. Not exactly perfect but well enough to be amazing for my kids, you too can be amazing for yourself and your kids.
You are NOT alone, it was so brave of you to reach out here for support, I know how hard that can be. You can do this, with help. Pls reach out to a crisis line or an emergency room. You are so important , you have so much to give and so much to do.
You deserve the best life has to offer. Pls take care, 🤗 s for you.
ABB 💜
Thank you for the words of encouragement. I'm will try to be my best for my two beautiful daughters. The thing is I love them so much I can't imagine not seeing them everyday, not hugging them everyday, not putting them to bed and saying goodnight everyday. That's going to be so incredibly hard for me. I know that how so many people live these days but I just can't see how. That's what will hurt the most I think, going to bed without hugging them.