I am the official side chick. Help
I am seeking advice on what to do. I am going to sound like a broken record, but I want to believe my situation is different.
I started dating this guy 10 months ago. It was suppose to be a hook up. No strings attached, but we had chemistry. More than just sex. Friendship. I found out he was "separated" a couple months in. Then I found out he was still living with and they had three kids. He kept telling me they are separating. blah blah blah. I decided to end it but just the sexual part. Our friendship chemistry is amazing.
We got brutally honest with each other. He isnt going to leave his wife, but still wants me in his life. When he fights with his wife, I give him advice on how to fix it. When i struggle with guys I date, he is there for me. And yes, on occasion, we sext and talk dirty. We had great sex. I can't help it, but honestly, the friendship is more important. He has become my best friend. My secret best friend.
Anyway, so 10 months later, we have a good thing going. We talk every day. We miss each other. We talk about his kids. We talk about my day. We sext. We skype. I am the official side chick.
I want to believe my situation is different. I don't want him to leave his wife for me because I could never trust him. I still date other guys. We talk about the future every now and than.
I know I need to end this. As much as I want to believe our friendship is important, I know its wrong, but our chemistry and connection is so hard to shake. And yes, I know I can't have a real relationship with someone else. How do I move on from him when I don't want to?
Honestly, the most you can do is cut him off completely. Not only is it effecting your life, but think about his marriage!
How would you feel if you found out your husband was sexting some girl? And although you cut off the actual intercourse, he's still emotionally cheating on his wife by telling you everything about his life and marriage and asking you to help it.
Seriously, would you want someone to do that to you? And the fact that he has kids makes this infinitely worse. What if they find out his dad is a cheater and a liar? What if they hear he doesn't love their mom and would leave her for some girl?
That would suck.
this isn't to say you're a horrible person-far from it. But you are being very inconsiderate towards yourself and others. Drop ALL contact with him. I don't care if it takes years. Until you can speak to him without feeling anything other than platonic feelings you'd feel towards an acquaintance, you need to stop. That was the only way I was able to drop one of my exes who cheated on me, and now I'm living with an amazing guy who is both my best friend and my boyfriend and devoted to ME.
It will be hard, but you will feel better about yourself afterwards. Of course, this is all up to you. People only take advice when they're ready and willing to accept it.
@ItsSoIzzy21 I appreciate the response and i totally agree with you. It is not fair to the wife or the kids. Its not fair to me either. I know he is having his cake and eating it too. I know all the wrong.
Any advice on how to cut him off? I tried to drop all contact. I went a whole week. It killed me not being able to respond to him. He reached out for advice and I caved. I don't like him hurt or sad.
I want someone to be devoted to me and i want to be in a real relationship, but I know I cant with him in life. He is literally my best friend. How do you quit your best friend? I can cut off all the sexting and the sexual stuff. I am ok with that.
Do I sound desperate?
Hey :D
Okay, let's think about this way:
You don't want to end it immediately because you don't want to hurt your best friend. so your reason is to not hurt a person that is dear to you.
you also know that by doing that, you are damaging his life, the life of his children and the woman he is married to and is sworn to be faithful to, you are also keeping yourself from having a meaningful relationship, which also hurts you.
Here's what I would do if I were you (This is in no way an advice, I am NOT a professional, this is just a thought 
) :
When you can talk to him, tell him that it is for the best interest of both of you, to stop talking at all! not sexual, not even in the friendship manner, because you can't seem to be able to be just friends anyways.
Now let's see, I made a little equation:
Both of you feeling sad and separated < His children feeling broken, his marriage ruined, his wife feeling awful, you feeling desperate and unable to have meaningful and faithful relations.
Okay, apparently the right side seems bigger.
Good luck though.
@Planet Thank you. I really do appreciate it. You are right. I am being really selfish. I think about his wife and children a lot. When I tried to cut it off, I told him "do you want your son to grow up to be like you?" "do you want your daughter to date a man like you?"
I want him to be happy.
