I broke up with him but I
Ive always been the one thats been broken up with or had reason to end it with the other person. I recently ended my relationship with my bf of 6 years and he loves me to pieces. He would do anything for me and does nothing wrong to me. We dont even fight past petty disagreements. Unfortunately, and although Ive always hoped thered be mutual feelings, it never developed. He was aware of my unmatched feelings for quite a long time as weve had conversations about it before but he said he always let it go because I never made changes after those talks (he also likes to be in denial about things until he has to face em).
Anyway, we had another talk about how my feelings arent developing and probably wont at this point. I also told him that there will be changes happening with this break up and Im pretty set on stIcking to it this time. Oddly enough though Ive been crying post break up? Like when he talks to me about being in a downward spiral over it it physically hurts my heart to think about hurting him. And when I think about the day he moves out I start crying. Were very close and comfortable around each other. We have the same humor etc. But for me it just feels like were best friends and not in a relationship. We dont do relationship stuff. It feels unnatural for me to do relationship things with him (kissing, holding hands, cuddling). I guess my question is why am I crying about the break up if I dont have feelings for him. My heart hurts over it but its coming from a different place within me. Like my heart is empty but still in pain if that makes sense?
@Ayenony
would he be open to a friendship instead of relationship? It sounds like you both have great friendship dynamics but the relationship chemistry just isn't there.
@0m He is open to a friendship with me. Itll probably just take us a long while before we figure out how to be just friends again. Even if he wasnt wed always have to be in contact anyway because we have a child together.
@Ayenony
So far it looks like you've both handled the situation really well and been mature. It can be difficult but with a child to coparent, it's certainly worth finding a way to do so amicably. If you're able to retain the friendship as you both muddle along these tough phases, it might make things just a bit easier. I wish you the best and hope things work out for you.
@0m thank you for your kind words. Im pretty concerned because he told me you know when I move out, Im probably going to be in a screwed up state of mind. And I know it and it hurts me more to think about him like that. I want to help him through it but it probably wont help at all. It looks like wed still be able to manage a friendship if hes up to it though. Its scary to know the uncertainty ahead.
@Ayenony
6 years is a long time not to care for someone.. after 6 years, sometimes even after 6 months, we care for someone and develope feelings, even if those feelings dont make us want to 'cuddle hug or hold or kiss' someone.
Ayen, you do care. that's why.
I am in unmatch-ness too (if i may coin such a word) big fight today. not sure if he will come back. i want him in my life, yes, but he comes with requirements, a List in fact. and when i dont fulfil them, it is tense times for us. You said you just broke up and am crying. i am crying too. But I wonder sometimes if walking away can be something good? We are walking away from pain. it cant be all bad.
but yes. you will be crying for a while, for now, when he moves out, etc. because you are HUMAN. and as human we sense difference, parting, emptying, changing - and we cry. thats part of being human: tears as ways to react to change.
@intellectualFan8782 6 years is most definitely a long time to be with someone. Over those years I always hoped that if I waited just a little longer that stronger feelings would develop but they never did. Dont get me wrong, I absolutely do care for him and his well being. But just not as a boyfriend. Its been a long time since Ive been through a break up and Im really not sure how to deal with it. He takes care of EVERYTHING financially. And the uncertainty of that is probably one the top of the list of terrifying things to experience. I dont regret breaking up with him but idk how to be without him at the same time if that makes sense.
@Ayenony It is understand that you feel this way. I have been through this myself.
Maybe you could try to be friends with him, after taking some time apart to move on with your lives. Who knows? You both might even remain the best of friends :). Just communicate with him and make a mutual deciison. Hope everythign works out for you!
@gigantCloud92 He still lives with me for the time being while he finds a place and things havent been awkward at all. We dont think too much about the day that it actually happens but were still getting along great. Thanks for your response :)
@Ayenony That's great :) I would advise you to try to communicate your feelings regarding this matter so that when the day comes, you both may overcome this and patch up or part ways as friends. The rest is up to you :)
Stay Blessed.