I dont know how i am supposed to feel
Long story short i was with my Wife for over 8 years. Over the last year and a half I have chosen not to be in a marriage with her anymore. I found out that she cheated on me multiple times through our marriage. We did take a break for about 6 months due to me finding out about her cheating, however i chose to get back together to try and repair our marriage because i was not willing to let us go and wanted to work things out. After we got back together is when i found out i had been cheated on about 4 times. This was the last straw for me and i decided to finally end things. Now i a trying to get our divorce done but she insists on doing everything in her power to avoid this, claiming she still loves me and wants me back. Some days i feel so mad and hateful towards her because she cant or wont move on. Its been 2 years since we have broken up and i am still afraid to open up to other poeple who are interested because i am afraid to get hurt again, how do i get past this.
@Kamikaze13
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
After we got back together is when i found out i had been cheated on about 4 times. This was the last straw for me and i decided to finally end things. Now i a trying to get our divorce done but she insists on doing everything in her power to avoid this, (We are dealing with a woman who is incredibly selfish. She was with you, but then decided to be deceptive by cheating, however all of the sudden she wants to work on things when things are about to end?. She will only try for a bit once she feels like she has you, and then will go back to her old behavior. ) claiming she still loves me and wants me back. (Her words doesn't match her actions. I think these are mixed messages because if she felt this way then she wouldn't have done what she did) Some days i feel so mad and hateful towards her because she cant or wont move on. Its been 2 years since we have broken up and i am still afraid to open up to other poeple who are interested because i am afraid to get hurt again, how do i get past this. (Im noticing you have a very hard time grieving and letting go of past hurt. People grief in their own way, but for you it seems like they are still some feelings of anger and hate lingering, so this gets you stuck in the hurt phase. I think theres a chance you might ruminate what happened, but remember forming a connection is not a sprint. You are allowed to take the time you need to get to know the other person, however healing from what your ex did is crucial)
@freshLight64 thank you for your reply. I do agree that I see her being selfish and if she did love me in the first place she wouldnt have cheated on me. Do you have any ways that you deal with grief yourself personally? I think that would be the best way for me to start moving on and believing in myself .
@Kamikaze13
Do you have any ways that you deal with grief yourself personally? I think that would be the best way for me to start moving on and believing in myself .
I think the best place to start is to form a deeper connection with yourself because theres a chance you might be using what she did to keep people at a distance. I think seeking therapy to talk about will help a lot, but also doing meditation will help. The self inside you need to activate (it wasn't activate because of upbringing), but it is important to start getting to know each other and seek the external validation from within. Acknowleding how you feel is important, to pause whatever you are doing to pay close attention to how you feel.
@freshLight64 thank you I will try those methods!
