I guess we are done
We've been in a relationship for more than four years now. Everything started perfectly, we moved together very quickly and the first years were great. My GF has had a mental diagnosis - Cyclothymic disorder. The second our winter, she fell into depression and together we tried to fight it for the last 3 years.
I don’t want to write all the details, cause it’s a very complicated story, but what's going on now.
Both of us are in therapy and taking antidepressants. I fell into depression as well after the injury. And it's like our eyes are open now. We are not as much the same as we used to think. Our visions on “how relationships should look like” are entirely different. We have a “difficult talks” almost every evening.
She wants to get married - I don't see why. She wants kids - I don't. She wants me to think about her all the time - I can't, cause I've just found out that I've never been thinking about myself.
More difficult this situation becomes if I say that without her, I'm homeless. I'm not in my hometown, I've got no flat here, we live in her home. And thanks to a pandemic, I've got almost no money to afford rent. The only hope here is that my work could provide me with “financial assistance for a hard life situation.”
And I don't know what I want more - to save this relationship or end them up.
i obviously don’t know the whole story, but it sounds complicated. i’m sure you have had extensive conversations with her. it also sounds like there are a lot of KEY details that you disagree on. this relationship is causing you both stress. you have to weigh your pros and cons. don’t stay in the relationship because you need somewhere to live. i promise you will figure it out and be so much more content in the long run when you make your decision. best of luck. i believe in you.
The most shitty in this situation is that I’ve got no one to talk too about it. And it kills me, cause it’s incredibly hard to realise that I’ve got no friends (most of them are shared with her), and even my family won’t understand and will say “just move on, everything will be ok, don’t lose her, cause she is nice”
@pioneeringDog5265,
I understand.
I am in a similar situation, like "can't afford rent", "no friends over her", "was part of her family and what she calls her spiritual family, I was welcomed and now nobody reaches out. No place I could go at. Both in therapy, I am on antidepressants, very low doses. Wife just started trauma therapy. Marriage counseling failed, let's say things happened, and my wife did not, as she thought, deal with her past.
Still living with her. Tough, I am still struggling with my wife going elsewhere for emotional support, she had an emotional affair, which she denies. She can't admit doing wrong, it is a psychological malfunction she has (she agrees that she has that malfunction).
You guys seem to have rather different views. I wonder how genuine those views are. What I mean by that is, when you are in a stressful situation, emotions tend to take over, and you can't "think" clearly. You cannot listen to your heart.
So, what you guys need to ask yourself, do we truly love each other? Genuine pure love, love for self, unconditional love. Is your connection pure and strong enough to commit? If so, you could try couples counseling (doesn't have to be expensive, if u explain your financial situation).
Counseling might help to at least understand each other. Not agreeing, understanding, without judging, labeling, discussions, defense you point of view, attack, hide. Just pure simple understanding. No mutual understanding = end of story, a story that did not exist anyway but that your thought made your truth.
Warmth and love to both of you.
I'm currently going through something similar, OP. It is all really hard, but we have to push forward. The more we work on ourselves during this, the better we are and better we will heal.
Keep your head up.
