I just want him to care about me again
I have bpd and this guy who i've been with for 2 years is my coping mechanism. It's like i need him to feel okay. My mood and emotions depend on him.
A few months back he dumped me out of the blue and i did not take it well. But shortly after he wanted to get back together and i agreed cause i relied on him mentally, I really thought things were gonna be better. And they were until a few days ago, he said he wanted to break up and he didn't love me, want me, need me or care about me. It was very random and i didn't even know how to feel. And the worst part is that after he said all those things i was the one who apologized and begged him for another chance. A few hours later he said he wanted to talk and i did cause i was desperate at that point and he said he wanted to try again but he didn't apologize for what he said. We talk like before now but i just can't make myself adjust or cope to what he said. And our conversations are really dry now and it doesn't feel too good. And i just want things to be normal and for him to care about me again. I don't know what to do
@purpletapeworm16
hey i feel u. I understand how's it is like to be reliant on someone. It's something we can be proud of but yea. I also had an ex best friend who I somewhat relied on. I felt happy with her, she made me feel like I was worth something. I was always there when she was falling. Listening to her cry at 3 am, video calling her before I sleep to make sure shes okay, grabbing her favourite snacks before going to school as I felt she would need it. I was there. However, the moment she became successful, she changed. She started saying she hated my personality, why I can't be more like her other best friend, and the thing that broke me the most. I'm a bad influence. I cried so hard when I heard that. She was at the top while I'm at the bottom. I helped her get up there, not asking for anything in return. Anyway, sorry about my rambal
But yea, I understand, I stayed with her still. I needed her. She makes me feel safe. But she left anyway. The moment she didn't need me. After she left, I cried a whole lot, It took a lot to heal and think about it. While I thought about it, I realised how much I devalued myself. I was so used to that feeling of security and warmth. It became an advantage for her. She knows I would come back to her and do wtv when she offer me again.
Look, what I mean is, the moment we rely on other ppl. We are actually devalueing ourselves. It's not wrong to need help. But, you can't over rely. We dm more. But I feel you.
Sounds like a difficult situation. I’m sending you good thoughts and energy to get through.