I just want vent. Maybe hear some opinions?

There was nothing official between us, mostly because he'd always say he hated relationships but he wanted to try with me. The only thing was he never wanted to come to my house and insisted I didn't go to his. I got him to walk me to my door a couple times, but that was it. And anything we did wasn't actually a date according to him, even though he said that was what he wanted to do because he "still needed a car" and "still needed to get abs" We texted literally all the time and hung out the majority of last summer. I could go on and on about all the things we did and how sweet I think he is and how all these different things happened over the years, but that's not really the point of the vent. (If anyone does want to hear for more context....I could literally talk for hours jsyk)

Around November he started getting distant and not wanting to hang out with me or text as much, saying he was busy. In December, I don't really know why but I gave him an ultimatum: make it an official relationship or stop what we've been doing and be just friends. He chose the latter and I was heart broken. After that he asked that I don't talk to him as much because he "doesn't like talking to people" I would see him every now and then at church because his ward was after mine and he would smile and say hi like he didn't just brush me off and break my heart. And for a little but he was still flirting with me and talking to me like he used to. But it hit a point where I realized that when we would talk I would get to a point and he would cut me off because it was too far for him and I couldn't handle that, so I told him I needed him to stop talking to me like that.

A few months ago we went on a church trip together called trek where spend a couple nights with our stake basically role-playing as pioneers pushing handcarts and he was in my family. He both didn't leave me alone and ignored me the entire time. He also spent a lot of the time with one of our sisters. He's a big flirt, any of his friends could tell you that, it's just who he is. But seeing that hurt so much. I spent my birthday on that trip. The two of them had traded hats and had just been talking the whole trip. And the night before my birthday, they stayed up together sharing a blanket and watched the stars, something he promised to do with me because he thought it was the perfect date. I cried myself to sleep in the tent I had to share with her. The next morning he got up early to wait for me to make sure he was the first person to tell me happy birthday.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, I asked him why he brushed me off all the time if he wanted to be friends when it felt more like he dropped me. Then he asked me if it would be easier for me to just block him or hope for something for 9 months that was never going to happen. Because that was when he was leaving for his mission. I asked him what I did wrong and he said nothing. That it was more his fault than mine. That it fell apart. I asked him why he let it fall apart. He said maybe he let himself selfsabotage. But it was in the past, so it doesn't matter. It had merit, but it's in the past, so it doesn't matter. I told him I thought a lot about when he'd come back from his mission and I'd imagine he'd have changed his mind about me. He said by that time he'll definitely be moved out and be going to college somewhere else. I said I'll be almost done with school. He said that he'd be a mortician, working a sad job with the saddest people on earth, making him a not happy person all the time. I told him that it was a good thing we already established how hopeful I am so I can always cheer you up when I'm there. Then it was like he snapped back, because he said cheerful and hopeful aren't the same. Block me when you're ready. Then he added that he wasn't doing any of this to make me sad.

To top it all off, yesterday was his birthday, and I decided I would feel worse if I didn't tell him happy birthday. I was walking to the library last night and it went like this:

His friend's car passed me on a bridge I have to cross to get there. I was like, it's good. Then, I asked had asked his friend later that night, he asked his friend to turn around, they went back over the bridge, drove in front of me, and pulled over. I started walking faster cause I was like nope nope nope shaking my head and he rolled down his window and was like "Hey *my name*!" And I was like "what."

"Where are you going?"

"The library"

"That's a long walk" *voice filled with slight concern for distance I'm walking by myself*

"Yeah. It's only 30 minutes"

"You want some candy?"

"What"

😅😁"do you want some candy"

*sighs in defeat* "sure"

I walk over and take one.

"What book?"

I show him

"Ah final. Or finale. The end"

"No" I breathed

"Or the beginning. It's my fourth favorite book"

"Okay"

"Anyway just saw you and wanted to say hi"

"K. Bye"

Then I turned around and walked away like as fast as I could.

I felt like I couldn't breath. He still had the audacity to act like nothing had happened and to be concerned.

I walked the rest of the night with that stupid candy he gave me in my pocket because I didn't want to eat it.