I'm Co-dependent and he's an enabler. We're trying to break out of this.
Long story short, I had a messed up past and now I'm out of it, but I still have some scars and severely low self esteem from the ordeal (I was in that bad situation since I was very very small and didn't get out until shortly after I turned 24. Now I'm almost 25. Got a lot to get over), so I have a habit of going to dark places and he tries to help, but he can only do so much and we're afraid of it turning toxic.
Oops, Put this in the wrong forum. Sorry, just starting
@Victorya777
I am in a marriage that is very similar to your situation. I too have a very dark past. I have PTSD and other mental health issues which led me down a very dark path. My husband is an enabler, a lot like my father was (and still is). Boundaries get blurry when this happens - or they dissapear completely. In my case they pretty much dissapeared. Enablers do the best they can because they do care, but not always for the right reasons. The lack of action by the enabler (drawing the line) perpetuates bad decisions, deepens mental illness, and prevents the co-dependant from getting help. Enablers can also lash out agressively, or passive aggressively, from feeling out of control and frustrated, and the co-dependent feels worse and 'punished' as a result, and they feel that they deserve it, which furthers bad decisions to escape the pain. The truth is, is that the enabler can be just as sick as the co-dependant and they both need to seek help. My husband and I have seperated numerous times, and really, the marriage has overall been miserable for both of us. He is a good man, but if I had been given the oppurtunity to sort out my life 10 years ago, I would have been able to manage relationships better and had clear boundaries set up so I would have either been happier with him or with someone else.
