I’m confused

My ex and I….. I have been wasting his time & I never saw it til now, how childish I was, granted he was my first true relationship… he is my first love outside of family, everything is so hard to explain but it’s also not. I would always assumed he was cheating and didn’t care for me for a whole year, but I stayed cause inside I knew he cared for me… the cheating part was stupidly based off of social media (which I never cared about until I met him and saw how involved he was with it) and his interactions. We were “young minded” in many ways and I very much was living in a self sabotaging fantasy. I want to make shit right with him but I battle with myself because I had 1 chance after he actually cheated and new problems arose after doing so, we both have the same view point of each other and wanting to be each other’s life partners in a sense but I don’t know what happens in others heads so I’m more confused on how to cope or fix shit for real this time. I am giving him space space but I plan on fixing shit at an appropriate time or should I take this L