I'm feeling lost
I am very lost and dont know what to do anymore or how to proceed so I'm reaching out to anyone for some advice.
My wife and I have been separated for since May 2021 and she just told me she wants to move forward with the divorce (here, need 1yr sep before filing). During that time, we hardly spoke unless it was about her daughter or bills; we bump into each other at family gatherings and I did ask out for dinner a couple of times. She kept insisting that she wants the divorce when she reaches out to me initially up until mid 2022.
last week, she invited me over to catchup and when she said she is going forward, I put everything on the table about my feelings and that I dont want the divorce. Told her a lot and then said I will go home and process how we proceed. later that night, I dropped by and told her I want to save our marriage, that I still love her, never stopped loving her and want to try. she told me its not fair that I drop by now and unload all this emotion and feeling when I could've done it during the sep and not fair I unload now that she says she is at peace with moving on. she was very emotional and upset with what I said and how I want our marriage.
I am lost because during the sep, she kept telling me she wants this. now, she tells me why didnt I say it then... but I did many times, and even wrote her a letter telling her it all and I always got the reply: she wants the divorce. So I left that night, and she said she will send me the info about the proceedings and what I want to do... but I haven't received anything yet.
I dont want to passive anymore and be active. I just dont know how to after so much time has past but I want to save our marriage and know that she hasn't sent me anything yet to look over. only thing thats happened is that I called her up on Monday and we discussed her daughter and her sisters bday, which I planned a party for her with the family. I did ask her to dinner yesterday for her and daughter but she said she already had plans that night, without me saying when... I had thought tonight or Friday... and I told her... "lol, I haven't even told you when yet and definitely wasn't thinking tonight". I dont know what she's thinking anymore or how to restart dating again to rebuild lost time and connection.
I really just want to go to her place and just tell her flat out that I miss her. that I miss holding her and being with her. During the weekend, I saw her at church and also at the birthday celebration for her sister, which I organized. This year, Ive seen her a lot more than 2022. She even called me to chat about her daughter who is just starting to date and she is worried. I stopped by her place with coffee so we can to talk but I didnt get the chance to really say much... I think I did say I missed her and wanted to see her, thats why I came over... to talk about her daughter and I wanted her see me. Unlike last year, which I regret not being more active, I want to be more present in her life and make more contact, try to build something and pray it makes a difference.
