I'm gonna break up with him tomorrow
I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 years. We've had problems for so long, the relationship was never perfect even from the start. For the last few years I've hads serious doubts and now I'm just done. I don't wanna be with him anymore. I've known it for a long time but I've been too scared to break up. I'm a very lonely person, I don't have that much socialization outside of talking to him. I also have really low self-esteem, and I'm scared I'll never find someone else.
I don't know what my life will look like without him. I have dealt with depression and I'm really scared it will come back full force once we break up. I'm scared I won't be able to handle it. Just the thought of breaking up hurts. That's why I've been putting it off for months. But I know I have to do it. There are things about his personality that are just not good for me. He's not the kind of person I wanna be with. But I'm just so used to being with him. And I love him, despite all the problems.
I've already made up my mind about the relationship, but the actual act of breaking up is so hard. I don't know what to say to him. I don't want to hurt him. And since I know it's going to hurt a lot, I keep not doing it. There have been many times I've wanted to say it but I chickened out. I might not do it tomorrow even though I really want to. I don't know how to handle it. I wish I could do it with a text or online but I promised myself to do it face to face, since I think that's fair considering how long we've been together. I just need help. How do I say it? When do I say it? What do I do afterwards? How do I survive this?
Thank you for listening.
@helpmeouttt The fact you decided to tell to his face to face and not do it over the phone or social media is really great. You will be fine and I'm sure you will find the person for you. Your life will turn around just like the way you wanted it to be. God bless you.
@helpmeouttt
You're not alone. Keep us posted no matter what happens. We're here for you! 💜
@helpmeouttt
I understand how stressful breaking up can be. It is a huge decision for sure as it brings in so many changes, and there is always that doubt about whether this is the right decision or not. In this case, though, it sounds like you're sure that it will not work out between him and you anymore, but it also seems like you're hesitant to end it because of possibly hurting him and afraid that you'll fall back into depression. These are all valid fears and concerns. After all, 6 years is a long time and you can't expect that ending such a long-term relationship would have no impact on both of you.
What you should think about right now though, as you sit on the edge of telling him, is that being with him for so many years is exactly why you should break up with him soon. In some way or the other, you deserve to be happy, and he deserves to know the truth too. Do this for both of you; don't torture yourself by holding back, and don't let him continue thinking that everything is okay.
Something you can consider is that by bringing in the possibility of a breakup, perhaps you'll hear his side to the argument. Maybe it is high time that you guys talk about what needs to change, your values, doubts expectations of this relationship, etc. I mean, I may be wrong, but you mentioned still loving him so perhaps by addressing all these doubts and seeing his response, you both can figure things out? After all, no relationship is perfect.
At the end of the day though, nobody can tell you what to do as you know your relationship better than anyone else. Just know that we are here to support you if talking helps. :) You should know though that you will survive this if you do go through with this, because the hope is that you'll find happiness in the knowledge that you were honest about your feelings, and stood up for your beliefs!
Okay so I ended up breaking the news to him yesterday. I kept thinking about it all day and I grew more and more sure about my decision, but also more and more nervous. But I overcame my nervousness and did it. It felt awful and I cried non-stop for an hour afterwards, and then did as I planned and tried to do fun things to keep my mind off of it and it worked. It hurts whenever I think about it, but it's not as unbearable as I expected. Actually most of the time I don't feel anything about it, which probably means it doesn't feel real yet. I know there will be a lot of hurt and pain to come but I think I can handle it. I know I did the right thing, and I know eventually I'll be happier because of it.
I worry about him a lot but I also know that he's an adult and his own person and it's not my responsibility to help him with this. We're going to try to be friends in some way, I can't tell yet how that'll work out.
Thank you everyone for reading my post and giving support! It definitely helped!
First of all, you're doing the right thing by getting out of a relationship that you're not happy in. And if you don't have much socialization outside of being with him, that's even more reason to end the relationship, because it will give you room to grow as yourself, instead of just his partner, and you will make new friends.
Second, I definitely understand the uncertainty of what to say and when to say it. I'm in a similar situation, and I almost drove myself crazy agonizing over the best way to break up with my gf. If you've chosen a day to do it, then stick to your guns and do it then. And you're right; face-to-face is best. I would say spend less time thinking about his feelings, and more time thinking about your own. Six years is a long time to be with someone, so it's understandable that you don't want to hurt him, but you are not responsible for his well-being. He is.
Third, yes, it will be hard. It'll be a big life transition. Here are some of the little things I do every day when my depression starts to get the better of me: Drink a glass of water, eat something, send a text to a friend or family member just to say hello, make a cup of tea, take a shower, change into a different outfit. Remember to meet all of your basic needs first. Then, when you start feeling strong enough, go out and meet people. Check Facebook to see if there are any special interest groups that do meet-ups in your city. Take up a new hobby. Take yourself on little dates to your favorite shops and restaurants.
I've been where you are, and it gets easier, I swear. Best of luck. You got this.
