I'm having a tough day today...

@SadBlueCrab

blue, i read your venting and i can understand why you feel so hurt. Id feel the same. Some people are good friends and awful as couple.. you trusted him because you thought you knew him well.. id think the same if I was on your place... people are very confused and complex.. I know it must be very hard, I hope he regrets and realizes how awful he was by doing this to his best friend.. think of it as his problem not yours if you can.. you were honest and he wasnt.. you will recover from this because you are more mature than he is. Hugs..

@SadBlueCrab

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I'm working hard on moving on after my failed attempt at a relationship with my supposedly best friend... Some days I feel like I'm making progress, but some days like today I feel like I can't stop crying. (Sorry to hear that, its hurtful and painful to go through this when they are times you feel better and other times it feels so awful. Unfortunetly this is a process, and how you feel its normal and okay to go through) Sometimes I feel like I can forgive and let go, but today I feel like I can't forgive him. (I don't remember if i replied to one of your posts, but forgiveness is something that can at times be hard to give and feel. At this moment you probably feel a lot of anger and hurt, which is normal after what you experienced with him, but with time and patience it will come. At this time its okay if you can't forgive him, it takes time to reach to this stage) I still don't understand why he lied to me, why he said he loved me more than anyone? He said I'm the only woman who he ever would marry and asked me if I would give him a chance some day to marry me. (I could see why you are going through this thoughts and emotions, it must be extremely confusing for you because what he said doesn't match what he did now, its quite hurtful to know he would be there and marry you, but then now he is away...Unfortunetly is how he felt at that moment, however it doesn't take away how hurt you feel) Since we had being friends for so long I trusted him. However, as I was getting out of a divorce and he had a girlfriend I was afraid of opening my heart again. (Its normal you felt this way. The divorce must had been hurtful and stressful, so i can see why you felt doubts of opening your heart again) I asked him several times to be honest with me, to not play with my feelings and to no led me on. He said he would never hurt me in any way and the last thing he wanted in the world was to do that. He said he didn't see a future with his girlfriend and would leave her. (Its really sad how people would say they won't hurt us, but then do the opposite of this. You have every right to feel sad, hurt, angry, and disappointed in him after everything that happened) Then after I fell in love with him, after I finally had sex with him, the very same day in the same bed. He asked me to forgive him for not being able to love me the way I needed. He said he couldn't give me a chance to be a part of his life the way I wanted because he thought this girl was finally the right girl.(Wow...thats very hurtful to hear, i could only imagine how you felt hearing those words after you opened up your heart to him. Its this uncomfortable and painful feeling in the chest, and then feelings of being replaced or not good enough, it was awful going through this) And also said he didn't want to lose me the way he loses all girls he has a relationship with. He said he wanted for me to be part of his life forever, but as a friend. He would visit me always and never leave me alone even though He was dumping me right there. (Do you want this friendship with him?)

@SadBlueCrab

I'm so sorry to hear about you going through this. I recently shut down a friendship that I just got ghosted on, so I can empathize. It's so difficult when we start up what we believe would be a true friendship with someone and emotionally invest in that person only to find out they're playing us like the stock market.

I struggle with social anxiety and lonliness, am INFP, and also I'm a highly sensitive person, so for me, it's difficult to make friends because I often don't have the courage to go up to someone and start a conversation, and I'm very uncomfortable in dating situations because to me, it feels like a job interview and I'm not good at being put on the spot.

This is gonna be a tough thing to do, but my advice would be to get rid of or set aside your messages and mementos with your friend. Even if you don't want to destroy them, you could put them in a box and then put that box somewhere where you know you won't be returning to it often. That way, time will begin to heal your wounds. Hope this helps!