I'm surviving.....mostly

So I was married for 15 years. We met while we were both in the Navy. Started dating, got married, had 2 wonderful kids, and eventually both left the Navy. Where did our marriage go wrong? I don't know. I don't think it was his fault or mine. While we were active duty one of us was always on a ship. So that ment lots of time away. It may have been helpful for our marriage looking back at the last 5 years of our marriage. I didn't ask for the divorce. He did. I was devastated. He said things he can never take back. He's sorry for them now but they were still said. Things about my weight and looks. Hurtful things. I too may have said somethings but not as cruel...at least not that I remember.

After telling the kids he moved out last August. We live in a state where we can simply file for divorce with out lawyers. We down load the forms online fill them out and pay the filing fee. It took 4 months from the date we started the papers. As of this past February I am a single divorced mother of 2. And it cost us less than $200. I'm thankful for that. We have not gotten the custody or the child siupport done threw the courts nor do we have plans to at this time. We are still mostly friendly and don't want to drag the kids through that. So as long as it's not an issue we are leaving it the way it is. The kids live with me. He sees them twice a during the week and has them every other weekend. It's hard on me when he has them but I am making it through.

He helps out every so often...changed the oil in my car a few months back. Fixed my ceiling. Small things like that but mostly because helping me helps the kids. We've had a few fights here and there. But I am learning more and more how controling he was. See I am a terrible house person....not just wife, person. I hate cleaning. Ok thats not really true...I don't mind it that much. But the house is a mess. We often run out of clean clothes and dishes...just cause I don't do them. Now we never eat off dirty dishes or wear dirty clothes we just tend to run very low I guess is a better way to say it. In fact I have 2 baskets of clean unfolded clothes sitting in front of me. It's one of the things that drove him nuts. After I got out of the Navy I was a stay at home mom, and I didn't do much. Our kids have never gone with out but they could have more I guess. They need chores...they have them now. It's the little things. I don't make them clean their rooms like I should. But anyways, he was always hard on us and very negative. Our straight A daughter would get a 94 on a test and he would say good but why didn't you get 100. He always followed praise with a but. I hate it. He still does. He hasn't learned. Even after telling him his now 13 year old daughter is scared to talk to him about her grades he just doens't get it. In fact recently she told me about her faith....or rather her lack of faith in God. 3 weeks later she finally told him. She was scarred. And rightfully so as he has yet to let it go. But thats another story. Our 9 year old son has just been diagnosed with depression. I am sucking it up and allowing my ex to come with us to therapy. I didn't want him to as I feared he would point out my bad parenting like the messy home. But for our son I felt it was important that we all support him. So the ex came....of course he and I argued in there....as I suspected but it was more he said something and I once agian backed down and shut my mouth.

I don't love him any more as I can see the negative impact he was and still is having on my life. But I do miss the companionship. I am however a stronger person now than I was last year. I am on this site now learning how to find my triggers and "fix" myself. I've had depression and anxiety for years. I am having lots of health issues now, but I am taking a few more active steps to help change them. I see my doc and am getting things worked out.

You folks on here mean the world to me. The way we can support each other is wonderful. I joined this group to maybe help others. Granted my divorce was far from messy. It was emotional yes. But not as bad as it could have been. If my story or my being here can help someone even just one person then my pain will have been worth it.