Im tired now

Just constantly in my head missing him loving him why cant i stop it not fair 😭 i just want to feel like myself again and not stuck like a page in his story. He broke me he really did and i have stayed strong enough never to tell him but that seems to be the only strength i have. He left me to deal with so much not just losing someone i loved completly. He just walked away and left me to deal with everything left behind like a war zone trying to be there for everyone while dealing with the health problems he had left behind and i still care how is that fair i dont want to i did everything i could to help him i gave everything he wanted that i could give and i still wasnt enough i know thats says more about him than me but then why am i the one that has to suffer :(