In a conflicted relationship, need help.
I've been in a relationship about a year and 4 months now... we became engaged like 4 months after dating and I believe it was all good and fine. I did see some red flags and ignored them whenever it seemed like she didn't approve of one of my friends and when I would try and hang out with other friends she wouldn't let me. Now, I do have anxiety and depression, a tendency to self victimize myself unintentionally and always feel like crap whenever something happened between me and her, and I've tried getting help before elsewhere other than here, but she has told me that if I don't get help then she couldn't be with me anymore. She got me to believe she'd never leave me and I never took that for granted and last Tuesday we had a LONG talk and I was so crushed during it, there was at least a 99% chance that it could've ended up with us breaking up but she said that the only way for us to get better is again for me to get therapy... why does this fit in break ups you may ask? Because at this point I think I'm already heart broken because it just seems like she isn't the woman I fell in love with. There's a lot more to this conflicted relationship and I would like to explain further if anyone would like me to but I want to ask... how does someone who doesn't want to hurt a person break up because they already feel so shattered? I'm trying my hardest to build up that confidence but it's so hard
Hello this is Priyanka I need some one who can listen to me for my issue prefer Indian married women please ..thanks PRIYANKA
@priyankaforchat20 I am Indian but not married. If you still want to share you can
@AnonymousFurb Granted that I know absolutely nothing about your situation other than what you've posted - but I would hazard a guess that your girlfriend has some mental health challenges too. She's right that therapy is a step in the right direction, but not just for you. She needs help too. If both of you can get into therapy and support each other, you may develop a stronger and healthier bond that way. Would she be willing to consider it or is she convinced that you are the only one who needs help?
@MidlifeCrisis5 she does know she needs therapy but she can't because due to past traumas her personal preferences make a list of options very scarce and none of the therapists her insurance would cover don't fit under her preferences.
@AnonymousFurb
im sorry you're going through that. It looks like she has a lot of her own issues to work on, before she can move forward with a relationship. It's not fair to you, that she's taking her feelings/insecurities out on you. I can see that you really care about her, or else you wouldn't be on here. I would suggest sitting her down, telling her exactly how everything makes you feel. This should give her a perspective on her own attitude towards her life and your relationship. I believe at this point, she's stuck in her head and won't think otherwise about how you're being affected. I would sit her down and calmly explain how you're feeling about everything and how it's been affecting you and the relationship. I am sure, she will come to a realization that she' hadn't been fair to you or your feelings/needs.
@AnonymousFurb, your story is common. very sorry that you are in this situation now. happens to many men. there are tons of details about the how and why, for now that info doesn't help you in the immediat time.
when you and she met or started your relationship she liked you and was attracted to you just as is at that time. you are different now then before. as you have tried to please her and do as she asks you have changed in some ways doing that. for example, not visiting with your friends as much.
lady will complain about something always. much better that she keeps telling you that she wants more of you and for you to have less of your friends. now that she has you all the time the friends are not around, she wants less of you.
consider to return to some of your old ways that she initially liked. she is telling you what you need to do to keep her. what you would want is for her to be asking you what she needs to do to keep you. there is more about all that if your intrested.
you want her still to like you, but she is not treating you the way you want. your best choices are to tell her to go and that you need a break. if she comes back to you after some time days.. then maybe it could work out. If not, it was going to end anyway and you would be saving yourself from the slow decay. this is very hard to do and even harder if you had already been married. if you delay until she really walks out on her terms, it is done. might be already, but sometimes the shock of you standing up for yourself will flip some feeling in her.
good luck; being in this situation is not fun.
I am sorry you are going through this situation. In my opinion, you are the one entitled to decide whether you need/want therapy or not. That is really personal. If she loves you, I think she should accept you as you are and also, accept your friends, as they matter to you. Maybe taking some time to think about that long conversation and her last reactions might help you to see more clearly if you, and not just her, want to really stay in this relationship as it is now -not at the very beginning- or not. Perhaps she has not changed but she is showing her real self now to you. Take care.
