I pushed him away for goods…
I feel very pathetic, I really do. Here I am. 28 year old girl with successful carrier, and maybe not Miss World, but really looking after myself (gym, food, beauty?)
Here I am, after 3weeks of break up with the guy I was seeing for only 4 months (I know this sounds even more ridiculous) still crying and not being able to enjoy life.
I have to say- I had the most beautiful 4 month of my life seeing this guy- we did all the nice things we both really enjoyed. One BAD day, where everything just seemed wrong (work, family issues), he also cancelled our date on Friday, which I was so looking forward to due to work event. I failed, I put all my anger on him until I pissed him off. I was wrong and realized this next morning, went back apologizing by texts, calls and eventually went to meet him by his office with tears in my eyes, saying how sorry I was. He was stressed working like crazy for nearly 3-4 weeks. It seemed OK, but not completely. I knew he had a friend visit that weekend so I was not supposed to see him either Sat or Sunday. But still tried. Being very annoying went on and on and on with my texts trying to meet him at least for lunch. Eventually he said he is not sure about all this thing- ?getting too much- work & stress?.
I asked to meet him and talk in person, so we did. He seemed very depressed and tired from work (only could come and meet me for 20 mins and had to go back to work), we had a calm chat, I offered him Space and some time off, but he said he does not need this. That week we were supposed to spend Valentines weekend together. I had cinema tickets and dinner table booked. When I texted him a day after our chat- he said he had another day in hell at work and he doubt he can deal with work and relationship at the moment, his mood is really down now. Me trying with the last hope to fix the situation, still asking to go to cinema and have some proper time together, and if he doesn?t feel like it after that, I would back off. He said he will confirm tomorrow, maybe will have some better sleep. No we did not go to the cinema or dinner- he said he can?t enjoy anything at the moment and he is really sorry.
I asked him if we can still have some time together, he said right now he only feels like getting some good rest which is not even possible.
I was never a naive girl, always had a feeling when something wasn?t going right. Never had one here. I was never a needy girl, it was enough for me to see him during the weekend- I have a lot of my life too. I have never pushed him to anything- he was the one sending me post card while being abroad.
But now, after so many advises I am totally lost. I feel very down and lost absolutely all of my confidence.
Lots of my friends are telling me he will come back, he will realize. But maybe all this situation was just an excuse to break up? Maybe there is someone else. Hard to believe that though?
I must say, before we started this relationship, we saw it other at the beginning of summer few times, but it seemed like he was not interested, so I left him alone. He was the one coming back to me after few months and asking me out
I know I did a terrible mistake being needy and annoying.. I know I did.. But I havent killed anyone, I havent cheated on him. I was just so unsecured with all situation, that wanted to meet and solve it asap.. I wish I could turn time back, but I cant.. No I only wonder if there is smth I can do at al?
Right now I'm on the 5th day of having my heart ripped out. I won't get into it too much because I think have with so many people, but in my case, there was another person. I feel like she tried to minimize that fact by dumping in all of these other excuses to try and maybe calm her own guilt. Anyway, it's so hard for me and some have told me that she may regret it. However, it does us no good to worry about that,even though I will confess that deep down I still do, because it will eat us up and not let us move on. They are moving on with their lives without concern for us so why should we be sulking while they're having fun? Screw that, let's find someone who deserves us
It's okay to feel weak. We all have those moments. You are not weak, though. You said you have a lot of other things in your life. Distract yourself with something or someone that makes you happy. A friend, family member, etc. do things that you enjoy. I know it's extremely hard to deal with a breakup, and you may feel like you don't have closure, but if he says work is hard on him, I would leave it at that. Don't let him know it's breaking you. Don't talk to him until he talks to you, and even then, don't allow yourself to be a scratch post for him when he needs someone. You are a strong, and independent woman, you are capable of doing so much! In time it will get better, I promise you that. But for now, just find a good support group, friends, have fun with your life!
I just feel this guilt all the time, all I can think off- "only if.. only if I would have not created this fight, we would be happy spending time together now..
I feel very broke and down, even I am trying to do all the things I like, I dont seem to enjoy any of them :(