Is it the end?

The past month I have made 2 posts about my marriage and how I’m struggling to find the good. We have been married for 2 years, together for 6 years. We have gotten into many arguments - many times it’s my misunderstanding due to my ego and unwillingness to be criticized. It gets toxic to the point where hurtful words are said, screaming, shouting and I have pushed and shoved him out of anger and hurt and him in return. I have realized my faults that have contributed and he says he recognizes his own. There are things I believe he can do to approach a conversation differently which I point out but he says he doesn’t feel like he should because of how I’ve treated him. He’s at a point he just wants to leave the marriage - which he has expressed. He says the 6 years of my faults and my heart not really being there is the reason why he wants to leave. He believes every action I do for him is simply transactional and I have an expectation for him to do the same. He works from home and I often go in to work, I come home after long days and he just sits on the couch watching TV and doesn’t put an effort into cooking unless I ask. In these moments I don’t think I’m unreasonable for wanting him to make my life a little easier but he doesn’t see that. He says I nag at him for leaving things around the house but if I cook an egg wrong he believes he should just criticize it and shouldn’t even acknowledge the effort I put in.

To add to my stress our dog passed away a month ago and it’s been extremely hard on me as this is really the first close death I’ve ever experienced. Right after we got into a major argument and since then, he is so disconnected. He’s also going through health issues and because of that he can’t even help with much. I am trying to pick up all the slack but I am getting so tired and drained. Last night I poured my heart out about how I am hurt with what he’s doing to me and how I understand the pain I have caused over 6 years. In the end he had nothing to say. I wake up feeling alone, cold, tired and sad. Why is it so hard to love me? Why am I always fighting for things when people can give up just like that and not care about what the other person is going through?

All I want to do is to feel love - if this marriage ends it’ll be hard of course as I am so stressed with work and have so much going on. It’ll take forever to find the next thing. I’m just so tired.