gentleMap4618 Member Profile

Is this marriage worth fighting for?

Relationship Stress / by gentleMap4618

November 3rd, 2022

...See more My husband has told me countless times in the past month he wants to leave our marriage and get a divorce because he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He says for 6.5 years I have never listened to him, done the things he’s wanted and that my actions are not as genuine as when I do them for my family. I can’t blame him - I haven’t made it easy for him, I wanted him to change in ways to be with me which he has. We moved halfway across the country and works from home alone in the house. He doesn’t have any other relationships in this city. My time is constrained due to my work and I feel like I can’t always give him what he needs. I grew up in a house where I never saw affection in my parents’ relationship - just work and that’s what I’ve become. Our sex life is gone, he won’t hug me or hold me in bed.The thing that gets me is how cold he can be when I’m visibly hurt by what he does or says. He says I shouldn’t cry and just rationalize it. I believe I’m in a toxic marriage - myself being a player. I don’t know if I should stay or if I should go. I’m tired of always being on a roller coaster ride and not feeling loved. I wish this could all be better.

Is it the end?

Relationship Stress / by gentleMap4618

October 30th, 2022

...See more The past month I have made 2 posts about my marriage and how I’m struggling to find the good. We have been married for 2 years, together for 6 years. We have gotten into many arguments - many times it’s my misunderstanding due to my ego and unwillingness to be criticized. It gets toxic to the point where hurtful words are said, screaming, shouting and I have pushed and shoved him out of anger and hurt and him in return. I have realized my faults that have contributed and he says he recognizes his own. There are things I believe he can do to approach a conversation differently which I point out but he says he doesn’t feel like he should because of how I’ve treated him. He’s at a point he just wants to leave the marriage - which he has expressed. He says the 6 years of my faults and my heart not really being there is the reason why he wants to leave. He believes every action I do for him is simply transactional and I have an expectation for him to do the same. He works from home and I often go in to work, I come home after long days and he just sits on the couch watching TV and doesn’t put an effort into cooking unless I ask. In these moments I don’t think I’m unreasonable for wanting him to make my life a little easier but he doesn’t see that. He says I nag at him for leaving things around the house but if I cook an egg wrong he believes he should just criticize it and shouldn’t even acknowledge the effort I put in. To add to my stress our dog passed away a month ago and it’s been extremely hard on me as this is really the first close death I’ve ever experienced. Right after we got into a major argument and since then, he is so disconnected. He’s also going through health issues and because of that he can’t even help with much. I am trying to pick up all the slack but I am getting so tired and drained. Last night I poured my heart out about how I am hurt with what he’s doing to me and how I understand the pain I have caused over 6 years. In the end he had nothing to say. I wake up feeling alone, cold, tired and sad. Why is it so hard to love me? Why am I always fighting for things when people can give up just like that and not care about what the other person is going through? All I want to do is to feel love - if this marriage ends it’ll be hard of course as I am so stressed with work and have so much going on. It’ll take forever to find the next thing. I’m just so tired.

Words Hurt

Relationship Stress / by gentleMap4618

October 25th, 2022

...See more Hi guys, I’m having trouble with how my husband speaks to me when we are in a disagreement or argument. Yesterday he picked on everything I did wrong and pointed it out - from saying “I will do it after I put the food away” when he asked me to do something to dropping water on the floor and not cleaning it up. I am not feeling the best and used all my energy to cook and clean with him. Lastly, I didn’t put a garbage bag in the bin and he pointed it out - I said it was his responsibility to put the bag in the bin since he takes out the garbage. He disagrees and says I should do it if I don’t see a bag - which I agreed to and out of laziness I don’t. As I was trying to get him to see how it’s part of his duties, he gets irritated at me and says I am wrong and I don’t listen. I didn’t ask in the best way for him to make it part of his duties, then he got so angry at me - raises his voice, calls me stupid, tells me I am a piece of sh*t amongst other things including how he hates my guts. He’s already called me a c*nt earlier in the week. He’s so angry at me - he says for 6 years I have never changed and I never listen. He doesn’t want to talk to me because of how I respond back. He says I should just leave. I am so emotionally tired - for one month he treats me this way. When we went to visit family he was being all nice and friendly as a show to them, but when we are back at home it’s the same. I don’t know what to do - he knows how much those words bother him. Every time I bring it up he says he knows and it’s my fault that I pushed him there. I feel so stuck and sad - it’s getting hard for me to want to keep going with my routine life.

My heart hurts

Relationship Stress / by gentleMap4618

October 2nd, 2022

...See more My husband and I recently put down our dog and we’re dealing with that loss. We went away for a few days and I thought he would be happy but he’s not. He’s grumpy and overall has an angry demeanour towards me. Whenever his family or friends call he is so happy but when it comes to me he’s not. One morning he comes downstairs and tells me he should be able to leave the bathroom dirty because my makeup is everywhere. I acknowledged what I did was wrong but he keeps going on and on. I was left crying but went on with my day. Later on we got into an argument because I made a suggestion about pursuing a certain technique for his mental health based on a TV show I was watching. He got so offended and brought up my mental health as retaliation. I was visibly upset and went up to my room crying. He then comes and finds me to ask me to clean a cutting board so he can use it because it is “my job” to clean the dishes. I found this upsetting - he disregards my crying many times. I am left emotionally drained. I told him what he asked was inappropriate and he got upset and I followed him to try and explain. Without knowing, my voice was raised and he got even more upset - getting right up in my face and taunting me. I shoved him out of anger and hurt and went downstairs crying hysterically. He finds me and tells me to shut up and consistently swears. Whenever I do something wrong it is my fault and the subsequent reaction he has is my fault according to him and I shouldn’t feel upset about anything. He speaks to me with so much anger - swears, tells me to get out of his face and raises his voice. I left the house because I couldn’t be in there anymore. I sent a message explaining my hurt but I don’t think he cares. His unhappiness in our relationship is all my fault according to him. I’m at a loss…I know I’m an overly sensitive person but he just doesn’t care or even respect me.

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