Is it to late?
My fiance, after 9 years of being together, left me yesterday night. I was completely in the wrong, and I'm trying to save the relationship. I fell into a bad routine after being with her so long. I took her for granted. I'm an electrician, so I perform hard manual labor all week, overtime most weeks. and on the weekends, put my skills to work fixing up the house. My problem arises when I was too tired to formulate a thought at the end of the day, let alone plan a date, or anything at all. I just collapse into a vegetative state on the couch every day. It wasn't fair to her, but at the same time I was working so hard to try and build a future for the 2 of us. Work + Flip the house we were in on the weekend, then sell it to upgrade into a better place. I began to have problems managing my time, aka every time she asked me to go hang out with her parents, for example, I'd throw a fit because it stopped me from either working, or spending what little time I had to relax, being active. It got to the point I neglected to hug or cuddle her, I just didn't think about it. Not that I didn't want to, I just never thought about it. Our new puppy didn't help either being that it lays in-between us on the couch. Being a habitual person, that extrapolated itself to incorporate all sorts of other small things, until she finally gave up. I don't know what to do. I also grew negative due to the excess of work. When I was "relaxing", I always felt guilty because I could be using that time to do something to improve the house and our quality of life. Catch 22. She also said I managed to make her feel guilty for everything she did. I truly did not mean to do that, and did not realize I was doing it, until she spelled out it for me yesterday. Adhd/add has caused me to have social issues my entire life, and I'm not very capable of picking up on subliminal messages or hints. I have alot of problems with the things I say, because there isn't any thought to it, the words just come out, whether they're complaining about her favorite TV shows (which goes back to my miniscule amount of relaxation time; I didn't want to watch Gilmore girls for the hour of down time I got a day) or for some stupid reason, the food she eats. She stopped watching certain shows and eating certain foods because of my complaining. I have a feeling it's to late, but I'm trying my best to make amends.
Been there so I know what you mean. Honestly if she hasn't harm you and you love her I would sit down talk to her, listen to her needs and come with a solution together. My wife had ADhD so I know that she has issues filtering what she says. Try to reconnect with her and break that cycle. If you are able to take her somewhere, doesn't have to be fancy but try to create memories. Remind her why she fell in love with you, treat her like if it was your first date. If she respects you like a man then she is worth fighting for. If it is too late at least you know you try, but if you don't try you will never find out if you had the chance to save everything.
I think you should have a talk with her explaining everything that you have said here and tell her that you know what you did wrong and that you’ll do better. Sometimes we don’t know what we have until it’s gone. I think it’s important for you to tell her these things and she can make up her own mind about what she wants to do. You could even suggest counseling to find ways to repair your relationship. I hope things turn out well for you!