@WantingToBeNormal
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
So Ive been trying to get back out into the dating world since my divorce and I havent had the best luck to say the least. Then I met this amazing guy back in August. He was everything I could ask for. And after being cheated on and hurt by so many guys including my ex husband, to have a guy that treated me right, was all I could ever want. (That's amazing to want because you do deserve to be treated respectfully. I do recommend to be careful in the beginning stages with certain prospects because they will "appear" to be "the one", but once you ask about their past and get to know them it is where we will see if they are actually worth it) So its safe to say I fell hard very fast.(This is a projection of unmet needs and starved to connect with someone. The other person would become an object, and then it will make you stay in abusive and toxic relationships) I gave him everything he asked for. Every part of me. (This is nice you were able to do that, but did he reciprocate your efforts? or did he keep taking and taking without adding anything to what you two have?. This is a sign of over-investing without paying attention to what the other person is doing, so this will make them take advantage of you and take you for granted) Then one day, he just dumps me. And Im devastated. We stay friends because he says we can work things out and get back together. (He gave you false hope here, and basically putting you on a wait list until he "figure things out". I dont like the way he is behaving...he can't handle closeness, but at the same time wants you close) I even let him move in with me for awhile. Then one day I found out he had been cheating on me the entire time we were dating. And then the truth comes out. He hated that I was as affectionate as I was. (This is a man who probably didn't receive love and affection, so often times he will see it as a threat. I think you did great in being affectionate, so its important to be with someone who can handle it and reciprocate) He told me I was too much for him. (This is his way of letting you down) And this has been a normal trend with every guy. They cheat on me and then leave and then tell me its because I was too affectionate and did too much and was too nice and they couldnt do that for me. (They are two things going on here; 1) You are dating men who can't handle closeness and wont be able to give you the kind of love you need, and 2) They are times you are over affectionate on an attempt to pull them closer, giving what you expect, coming on too strong and over-investing) So its got me in a really tough place mentally. Like, is there something wrong with me?(I dont think there's something wrong with you, however you might have to investigate the way you grew up. I can tell you are starved for a connection, to feel good enough and loved, so this will make you overwhelm people. There's a high chance you are ignoring red flags and spending a lot of time with people who can't give you what you are looking for) I thought I was a good fit for people because of how affectionate I am but was I wrong?(There's nothing wrong with being affectionate, but in your case ask yourself this "Am i being affectionate without any attachments? or "Am i being affectionate as an attempt to pull this men closer and so they would love me?") And how do I go about this?(In relationships there's a concept called "Mutuality". You might be overly affectionate and go above and beyond for him, while he isn't doing this much, so this will make him smothered and trapped. It's so important to match the level of interest or keep it a bit lower so they invest in you. They need to invest in you) I cant let him go but I know I need to move on. Do I change? (Its important to research about attachment theory and trauma to understand things. The dynamic in what you have with him it is where everything is his terms. You don't really want friendship, but you don't want to be alone, so this makes you go along with what he wants. I wouldn't go along with being friends when i want more) I need advice.....
