Is this marriage worth fighting for?
My husband has told me countless times in the past month he wants to leave our marriage and get a divorce because he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He says for 6.5 years I have never listened to him, done the things he’s wanted and that my actions are not as genuine as when I do them for my family. I can’t blame him - I haven’t made it easy for him, I wanted him to change in ways to be with me which he has. We moved halfway across the country and works from home alone in the house. He doesn’t have any other relationships in this city. My time is constrained due to my work and I feel like I can’t always give him what he needs. I grew up in a house where I never saw affection in my parents’ relationship - just work and that’s what I’ve become. Our sex life is gone, he won’t hug me or hold me in bed.The thing that gets me is how cold he can be when I’m visibly hurt by what he does or says. He says I shouldn’t cry and just rationalize it. I believe I’m in a toxic marriage - myself being a player. I don’t know if I should stay or if I should go. I’m tired of always being on a roller coaster ride and not feeling loved. I wish this could all be better.
I cried when I read your posting. So many similar phases that I can relate to… my husband and I have disagreements on raising children. He says too I have never listened to him, done the right way to raise the kids. I just don’t get it as I treat my kids the way I was raised. The situation is so bad, the harsh words, the cold attitude, raised voice, ….. yes, the roller coaster ride…I have been on it for so long I don’t know if I can stand on my feet. Unfortunately I just don’t see it could get better without professional help, which he refuses to go with me. It doesn’t make any sense I stay in this relationship. Somehow I m just too afraid to make that call. I m still holding a bubble and wishing it won’t break.
Wow I’m so sorry I guess we are both feeling the exact same way. It’s very unfortunate - I also don’t know how much I can handle. I also feel like giving up. I guess if you were in my position without the kids you’d leave right?
Kids definitely play a part of the complexity.,My rationale told me it is time to end the relationship since I felt so much released when he is not around.. My emotions and my insecurity are holding me back to do so…I don’t think it is that easy to say I would leave if there is no kids..
I spoke to my husband and got into why he’s wanting to leave our marriage. He’s tired of me picking at every little thing (I do have relationship anxiety), and I could see how that has drained his energy and made him dislike me. I’m not saying everything is my fault, he understands his flaws but in order for us to continue I have to get him up to a place where he no longer sees me as negative by being more rational and not being driven solely by my emotions and thinking everything he does or says is wrong. I’m sure this will take a lot of work from me, who knows what the road ahead will look like but this is what I have realized. I have done some deep thinking into love languages and how we see things differently and having to accept what is love for him isn’t love for me and vice versa. With regards to him telling me I’m always wrong, is your husband always telling you you’re always wrong? I realized I am misinterpreting it. Not that it’s wrong, and I’m not saying that is the best way to communicate but understanding can help see through this and maybe you can figure out how to be able to communicate how it’s not good to just point out all the flaws. Perhaps your husband is hurt at some level - I can’t tell. My husband for the past month has been through a lot of duress and so he’s expressing his pain this way. Not that it’s the best, but I do have the understanding to explain to him why it doesn’t sit right with me and how we can work together to create a better response. I wish you all the best! Think rationally about your relationship together, whether you do have happiness or not and whether it is better for you to be out of the marriage than in it for the peace of mind. My husband’s solution was to leave the marriage for a better peace of mind - I told him I understand that and it’s fair but have realized how and what I do to make him feel this way and I know deep down it can be corrected at some level so I will try. He has accepted this as he mentioned he doesn’t know if being here or leaving is best whereas for me, I believe being here is good. I’m not sure where you are in terms of that but I do hope you can rationalize, sit and discuss with your husband and be able to come to a conclusion for both parties
