It was short but it was real

My boyfriend (28) of 6 months broke things off with me the other night. I (31) am both numb and completely broken. He stated that he needed to do this because he’s finally going to go to counselling and tackle his demons. I knew after his first session last Tuesday that this is where we were headed. He asked for space to unpack things and said he COULD NOT have any distractions. While I’m usually one to seek out closeness when someone asks for distance I knew that this was important and didn’t talk to him for days. Fast forward to Thursday evening he called me while driving and attempted the break up over the phone. I was calm and collected listened for a while and then asked for us to have this serious talk face to face. He agreed but said “it will have to be tomorrow I’m heading to have drinks with a classmate.” Insert first insecurity here because he would never have been so vague with me normally. Before I continue here’s some back story: We talked about moving in together, marriage, kids ... and about having that all together. We got together quickly and soon after he had an intense breakup so I know things moved a little quickly. I know that to some degree I may have been a comfort rather than an active choice. But he asked ME to be his girlfriend, he initiated those big talks. In January we had a fight, he had asked for space and hung up on me and I showed up just to tell him that’s not okay and I just wanted a hug. He broke up with me out of anger and then changed his mind after we talked 24 hours later. He then went on to apologize profusely and thank me for always believing in us even when he hadn’t. He told me he was in it for the long haul and when I became insecure or worried he would remind me I didn’t have to because he would always be with me. Mid-February I was feeling very emotional as it was my birthday and I said “reflecting on how different my life is from last year I’m so happy we met! None of the people who I celebrated with last year are even really my friends, anyone I was interested in romantically and I don’t even speak.” This is where I should’ve stopped.... but I added “it also kind of scares me that I might be alone next year though.” This changed the tone of our entire weekend, at first he was offended, I tried to explain it’s because he’s so special to me and I feel so lucky we found each other. He told me “you’re stupid to be worried because next year you’ll even be having my babies. You don’t have to worry about being alone!” Fast forward to now, he left me because he is so broken and feels he is leading me on. That he doesn’t want me to have to go through how mean he is going to get when he works on himself, and that the chances of him hurting me by cheating etc are extremely high. I can appreciate that he needs the space and time to work on himself, but the rest feels like pushing me away tactics. At the same time as he is telling me he isn’t leaving me for anyone, when I was waiting to hear from him about having our face to face talk he called me. I said “Hey” and he quickly said “hey, I forgot my phone charger and coffee in your bedroom” I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in almost a week at this point so I knew he had the wrong number and my heart sank. I asked if he had the wrong number and he said “oh yeah crap I meant to call my buddy Dawson” ... now I’ve never met Dawson but I feel like our voices would not be similar in the slightest. I found a number my Bf had been texting and called and a girl picked up, in the same town he had called me from. A classmate. When he finally did come and talk to me I listened, I waited for him to tell me and he didn’t. He focused on his mental health reasons for the breakup at first. I tried to reason that while I understand I can also offer up space and time while giving support so he didn’t have to end our relationship to do it. Especially since he had called me his true love and thanked me for being in his life 2 days before. He stated his emotional credit card is full and that he can’t focus on another person and himself right now. I asked about the girl, he said nothing happened but he has thought about it. He said if we continued to try he knows he would implode things and hurt me as he had done to people in the past. So I’m sitting here missing my best friend and feeling like I don’t know if I can ever trust someone again (Last week he said “I know we have a future together I just need you to trust that”... and I did... and now look). I’m hopeful he will work on himself and realize that he is worthy of me and the future we had started building together. That all the things he talked about were true to him and it’s his depression that makes that hard to see. But I also am sitting here hurt and mad, and doubting if he told me the truth. He’s going to end up with this girl, at least physically as a bandaid. And it kills me because he told me in October she was not someone I should ever worry about. That she was a child (20) and he was ready to date women. I feel old and boring and replaced. I feel so lonely as he unfortunately was my everything. I’ve never trusted someone or been so secure with someon in my life, I definitely had plenty of anxiety and insecurity along the way but I was seeking help for that and coming out on top. How do I move on from this? Every time I close my eyes I wonder what they’re doing together. Even if he comes back (which I think is likely) will I ever be able to trust?