Knowing when you deserve better

This may be a post that doesn't cater to those who just got out of a relationship, but I feel like it is important that I share this information with others.

Break ups are so hard. They always are, always will be. I have been in a handful of relationships, many being destructive in some way or another. I may only be 21 but I have seen some pretty messed up situations with adults and teens that have emotionally left marks on me whether they affected me or not. I am that kind of person, when someone else is cut deep by something that was painful to them, I feel it too in an empathetic way.

I have always been able to control my emotions by being indifferent. There are plenty of occasions, even now, when I choose to be indifferent about a situation rather than actually try to let the emotions sink in. I do not let them penetrate me. Once I did, which was just shy of two months ago, I finally understood what it was like to feel pain from a break up and not being loved.

I dated a guy for a year and long story short I loved him more than I have ever loved, and in turn he decided that he would break up with me every four months and try to go sleep with another girl, whom often happened to be something who I was either acquainted with or friends with. How low is that? Like, really? He broke up with me June 20th, I remember it like it was yesterday.

You see, when it comes to things like this where someone legitimately toys with you, makes you feel unloved or unwanted, makes you feel like killing yourself... you're in the wrong place. The COMPLETELY wrong place. You should never in a million years have to feel distraught over someone who obviously cannot make up his/her mind or really cherish you for who you are. Remember, the one who truly loves you will love you when you complain about your job. Or listen to you when you want to break down. Or make sure Subway doesn't put mayo on your sandwich cause you hate it. We often mistake love for those we would sacrifice for... That may be love, but often times it is one sided. Every one deserves to be loved and cherished for exactly who they are, not scorned for what they are not.

The day that my ex broke up with me I cried for about 15 minutes. As I drove to my friend's house, I stopped myself. I stopped my music. I looked at myself in the rearview mirror and decided that i never wanted to feel that way again. I never wanted to feel down on myself because someone made the mistake of not wanting to "deal" with me or my quirks. I thought, "Wow, who cares what he thinks?" I proceeded to talk myself out of crying and said all of the positive things about myself. What I like, what things people like about me, everything under the sun. I wanted to feel okay again. And all it took was some positive reinforcement from myself.

You can only make yourself feel whole.. You should never rely on another who is going to make you feel absolutely low about yourself. You deserve happiness and you need to prove to yourself that you can achieve that happiness without someone to be there. It's vital! It's the hardest part, but there's so many people around us, like the 7 cups of tea family, who can all agree that loving yourself is most important.

Break ups suck but just remember, you have more going for you than you think :)