Leave or Stay
Need some feedback on this one. Would you leave your significant other if they told you they would never get married after they told you that is what they wanted with you. I don't feel like it is a deal breaker because if you want to be together you will be married or not. Don't want to lose him but don't want to waste my time either if he does not see a furture with me.
@blueOcean6753
Can you elaborate? What specifically did your significant other say. If they said they would never get married, but that's what you want, then it can be a reason to part ways and it's nothing to be ashamed about. For some people marriage is a priority, and it's good to be honest with yourself if that's you.
@walkalot When we first got together he would tell me he wants me as his wife one day and build a beautiful life together and now because his ex keeps trying to come around making him mad he is saying he will never get married again thats that. Then he must have felt bad for saying and apologized and said maybe one day he will change his mind and surprise me. Its not like I want some huge wedding or something. He wants to combine my income and everything else cars business but never get married. Marriage is something we both believed in and its not like we were even talking about doing it fast it was a future plan/promise, that is now gone.
@blueOcean6753
I would definitely say don't combine any financial things unless you get married. He seems to want a big commitment from you without giving a commitment himself. If you get married, you have legal protection if something goes bad and you have to split. If you don't get married, it will be difficult to disentangle if you combine money, income, possessions, etc.
@walkalot I agree. He wants a huge commitment from me and not give the same in return. He wants me to give my car back and get a car in his name, help him build his credit, quit my job to run a buisness I will NEVER own and if he leaves I am without a job or money of my own. Sometimes It feels like he is setting up his future and wants to use me to get there. I am NOT quitting my job or giving my car back to get one in his name and ME pay for it no freaking way. All that and I can't be married to him wth
@blueOcean6753
Reading everything below, I think there are two questions in one here. One is more general: Is marriage necessary to live a life as a couple?
The second question looks to be more detailed: Is it recommended to be married or be in a relationship with this particular person?
Unfortunately, I must admit I don't find this man likeable to me: He seems to be changing his mind too often and too fast. He looks like he might be manipulating you into something that can ruin you financially and make benefits for him (as you said). And the entire idea of his ex harassing him, and him "magically" getting engaged in message exchange sounds anything but believable - it takes a very short moment to block the telephone number of someone you don't want to talk to, and it takes one call to the police (by him) to make her stop it.
The worst case scenario is they might be a couple working together to deprive you of your possessions.
Have you checked this man's criminal records?
@jacek73 Wow you really have this spot on I think. I have not checked his criminal record but I am going to. Or maybe going through all this it would be better for me in the long run to go ahead and walk away.
@blueOcean6753
I know it must be hard to consider such steps with reference to someone you considered to marry, but this is not about a single red flag - there seems to be plenty of them.
And your previous negative experience may add to the basket - you are responsible for your own safety.
Hi. I think you wrote this post specifically for me 😂
100% the exact same thing happened with my ex. We had always talked about getting married, and he said he wasn’t sure if he wanted to have more kids or not, and I was always on the fence about it too. One day he outright says to me that he wants to have more kids (btw he’s 40 and is a *** father already) and would only marry me if we had kids because “it’s the right thing to do”. He would never marry me otherwise. Let me tell you I lost my ish on him because we were already together for like a year and a half at that point.
All of this to say, I think you two need to sit down and very clearly lay out what you want your plans to be for the future, in no uncertain terms. Make sure you’re both on the same page. He may end up changing his mind down the road and want to marry you, but what if he doesn’t? I agree with you that that would be wasting your time and you don’t deserve that. You deserve a guy who knows what he wants and sticks to his decision.
@zedspike18 This part "You deserve a guy who knows what he wants and sticks to his decision." After reading your comment and the others it is helping me think more clearly and be more certain that this situation just needs to end. We all deserve to be with someone that is sure about us like we are too them. And not be so wishy washy changing how they feel all the time. I was 100% sure about him and showed it in my words and actions. It aligned and matched but not with him. He is all over the place. I love him very much and always will but now I feel I need to prepare myself to let this go.