Letting Go of an Ex, Help!!
Hi there, Just struggling with letting go an ex. The relationship did move too quickly and it started out platonically and then he told me "I love you" and emotions organically grew. He moved out here to be with me (we were long distance) but he was so ready to just jump ship and leave me behind. It hurt me deeply that he could "fall out of love" so quickly after just a few weeks. He said we weren't compatible for each other, but this was a lie. We were a good match but he was not a good communicator and just treated me as some adventure as he wasn't doing much at home. He was conflict avoidant and it took me by surprise how readily he was to jump ship.
My ex has no idea how much damage he caused. I do not believe you can fall out of love in just a few weeks. I don't believe he ever was in love, to start with? What hurt most was that he could not even be friends after. He just wanted to "move on" with his life. I had such a depressive time during that first month. You can't just throw people away like so much trash. I love deeply and I really thought we had a chance for forever. Shows you how silly one can be . . .
I torture myself with what if . . . I still love him and how do you get over not getting what you want in life? How do you get over severe, crushing disappointment? Sorry if I'm being melodramatic here but this hurts.
@Endless712 It sounds like things did move quickly, and maybe he was in love with the potential of the relationship, but once he moved closer, perhaps what you two had in reality didn't match up to what he had going on in his head. I believe he genuinely cared for you, to have gone to the trouble to move closer. Sometimes people can be very whimsical about relationships and can't quite deal with the reality of them. They aren't willing to do all it takes to make a relationship work because they want it to match the fantasy in their head where everything is perfect and no work has to be done to maintain things... this may not be 100% accurately describing the situation, but it was the perspective that I came up with based on his actions.
I don't think you need to rush through the process of letting him go, but be clear with yourself on the reality of the situation and try to take on a perspective that doesn't feel as sad or heavy. Instead of thinking, "He threw me away," you could think, "He wasn't willing to do all it took to make this work, so he wasn't as strong as I would have liked him to be." Things people do are always because of what they have going on in their internal worlds - it is never personal, as difficult as that is to believe.
If you like what I've had to say, I'm available for 1 on 1 and I do take adult chatters. :)
Lots of love and I hope that this helps you.
@CompassionateGirl90, your words do help a lot and yes, of course he cared at one point, enough to move out . . . but yes, not willing to put in the work to make it work. It was not about me in the end but boy did it leave me pretty broken-hearted. I would love a 1-on-1, I feel like you will help me reach much insight on this and letting this go, finally. I've sent you an offline message, thank you!
