Longdistance bf broke up with me
Hello, a background story; we are from the same country but he's currently doing his masters abroad for a year. We met May 2017 and spent 2 months at the same place before he had to leave in September 2017. We have been in a long distance relationship ever since
In the beginning - the 2 months when we started seeing each other, he was the one who was so sure about me & about us. Trying to reassure me that we can make long distance work. The resistance came from me, I was the one who question everything, emotionally unavailable. I wasn't sure if I want to be with him.. Now the tables have turned..
He is the one who doesn't think long distance can work, saying he still can't enjoy the process, like skyping and all.. now he's the one who is emotionally unavailable. Saying his feelings for me has been plain. We had a talk a month ago about this & we have agreed to try but he's not letting me in at all :(
Another thing is that because there was a lot of resistance from me in the beginning, our relation didn't flourish like how it could be.. it didn't happen naturally, our feelings didn't really developed & all that. Now that we're not in the same place, it's even harder to maintain since it wasn't strong enough in the first place
So a month has passed and we had another talk this morning, he wanted to break up. He said:
"Because I cannot give you what you can give me. I cant be there for you when you need me, I am not capable of that right now and I am not hurting you anymore. It gives my expectation, weight, responsibility and I am not enjoying it. I feel under pressure"
He told me that he's not really enjoying his life abroad, that it's nothing like how he expected it would be. With trying to keep up with school & not really having good friends yet. So I do feel really sad & hurt that he seems to 'blame' everything on me, as if I'm the one who makes him feel under pressure when all I'm trying to do is be there for him.. He is just disregarding other things that happens in his life (school stress, not having close friends yet) that does play a big role on him feeling that way too
I don't want to break up :( I still want to be with him, try & be there for him.. is there anything I can do at this point if I don't want to lose him? :(
I seriously need someone to talk to about my feelings.. is there anyone here who's going through something similar or can relate..? If we can talk and if you're willing to sacrifice your time to lend some ears, I'd appreciate it a lot.. thank you so much.. hope you're having a wonderful day / evening
@SilverLinings1994
By what I read I wouldn't say he's blamming you. He's actually being as straight forward as honest as he could. He could drag the situation but he chose to be honest because he cares. I think is the best way he could have done things considering the situation.
Now don't get me wrong, I believe firmly long distance relationships can work 100%, but they only work if the two sides want it and work on it. If it's just you wanting it it will hurt you and him. Will hurt you because you can't get the love you need and deserve, and him because he'll be "stuck" in a situation.
I don't want to imagine myself in your situation because I'm also in a long distance relationship but I've told my boyfriend "if you ever need to move on, tell me. Is not ok for any of us to waist time". Because in the end what matters is both people being happy you know?
Sorry if I'm rabling. I am basically saying that yes, things can be worked on, but it requires both wanting it. If he doesn't want it, sadly there's not much can be done :(
I'm sending you a huge hug and good vibes because I'm sure you're needing it.
@Booklover95 hello, thank you so much for your response.. I really really appreciate it. And good luck for you & SO, I wish both of you all the happiness in the world :)
It just somehow feels a little unfair because I know he is stressed out about his school & the fact that he doesn't really have good friends there yet too.. so to only say that I am the one who caused him feeling under pressure & all seems unfair.. I just thought maybe if he truly acknowledge & embrace the other factors, he wouldn't need to break things off with me..? I don't know.. I am very much in denial and I do still hope that now that I have let him go, he hopefully will realize that he's not better off without me and would want to work on us again.. is it incredibly stupid & silly for me to think that way? :( people say you don't know what you got til it's gone.. I truly hope he'll find out for himself that he'll be happier with me :(
@SilverLinings1994
Darling you're not stupid! You're hurt is completly normal don't blame yourself.
About his studies and friends maybe he wants to focous on those things? And he feels like the relationship is in the day? I'm just wondering, maybe you could ask him this and see what he tells you.
You seem a very dedicated partner and no matter what happens I can say you deserve to be someone's first choise. You deserve love and to feel happy. So even if this relationship ends just remember that you deserve better and that this pain one day will go away.
And if you ever need someone to talk to I'm always around here :)
You're not alone, you have the 7cups community with you! 
@Booklover95
*the way I meant, not day haha
@Booklover95 hello, thank you so much for your response, you are very very kind. can I ask you a question please? if you were me, what would you do now? my goal is for him to realize for himself that he does want me in his life and come back to me.. do you think it's best to do 'no contact' or just act like normal? but I'm afraid if I am always around, he will continue to take me for granted & subconsciously 'blaming' me for taking up his time when he could've spent it studying or trying to make friends (I assume that's what he thinks now)
I'm just confused of what to do, what would be best if I want him back.. he texted me earlier this evening & I haven't responded. because I thought maybe I need to step back, give him space, not talking to him, let him miss me & all? I just can't think straight right now and I wouldn't want to make things worse..
thank you so much for your time & kindness. bless you
@SilverLinings1994
First of all thank you so much for saying that, very sweet of you!
And about your question, well you see sadly I have a terrible relationship history... but that taught me alot. And the number 1 thing I learned from relationships is that it has to be natural. I could tell you that things would be like a rainbow but I would be lying to you. Relationships are hard, and distance ones? Even harder.
I think you know how hard they are to be honest. You need to communicate alot and make sure you two still feel the same way. Because if you don't, sadly you're just waisting time.
In your situation the issue isn't you. You're supporting him the best way you possibly can so of course you feel is unfair, you're giving him everything. But to him is not that. He's already frustrated with his life choises (the friends and school situation) and he probably looked at you guys relationship and didn't see a future aswell. I think he's being too fast jumping into a conclusion, but at the same time he's being honest with you, like I said. Trust me is much better him telling you now to break up than you waisting a bunch of years in a fake relationship. I've been there and god is awfull.
So overall my advice is: be honest with him, ask him if he wants to break up due to frustration from other issues or if he really isn't happy anymore. If he isn't happy anymore than you know that you need to move forward. Love yourself, spoil yourself, and never let a relationship drag you down. Cry if you have to! Is ok to be heartbroken! But don't let anyone drag you because relationships are like this.
I hope I helped you , even if it was just a little.
Be strong ok? You can get through this I believe in you :)
@SilverLinings1994
I am so sorry to hear that. Sometimes long distance sucks. And the only person who can make your feel better is the one who is not with you at that moment. It's OK to let yourself feel the emotions of that moment. Cry, punch a pillow, write it down whatever you are feeling at that moment. Have a conversation with your SO about the big and little things. When you do see each other me sure to make mundane things as well as fun like grocery shopping or something like that.
@Mani16 hello, thank you so much for your response. i really appreciate your kind words. i do still want to try to make us work, i don't want to give up just yet but i am just very confused of what i should do now.. since we are not in the same place at the moment and he's not coming home anytime soon. have you ever been in a situation like mine, or maybe can you relate? because the break up is still fresh and i can't think straight.. i need other people's perspective & input on how to go on now. he texted me earlier this evening but I haven't responded, i'm confused. I wouldn't want to make things worse by not talking to him at all, but wouldn't want to make things worse by talking to him all the time too.. sorry for the long response. thank you so much for being here
@SilverLinings1994
Even I haven't been through the same situation before but yes I can understand what you are going through. And you have shown strength and resilience given your situation. Well you can talk to him about how you are feeling at the moment
@SilverLinings1994
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