Lost

@Austin8521

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. Theres a few things I would like to point out;

My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago. We had an amazing relationship. We were best friends before we dated and it led into something more. We dated for about 1.5 years but all of it was long distance because I was away at college. We fought quite a bit but never about big things. (You might have felt it was not about big things, but for her it was probably something of a more concern for her. I believe she might have say a few things about how she felt and theres a chance it was dismissed. The fighting part has to do with both sides getting triggered, so this plays a role in the end of a relationship)I'm not very good at opening up to people because anytime I have every tried I was made fun of so I quit telling people how I feel,(This would cause you to have fear of expressing your feelings, concerns, needs and to be vulnerable with others. A problem with this is that it will cause things to build up which might cause you to either blow up at her, argue, or withdraw from her which could make it difficult to connect emotionally) including her. She was down to see me the week before she broke up with me because she was getting ready to go to training for the military. When she got to training she called me and said that she wanted to break up, she told me I was unmotivated and I took her for granted. (I don't know why she mentioned "unmotivated", but the "took for granted part" could be related to not feeling connected, heard, understood and not being happy in the relationship. There must be a reason she is saying these kind of things to you.) Anybody who knows me knows that neither of those things are even remotely true but thats what she's sticking with. (Did you ask her for reasons of why she felt this way?)To make things worse we had talked about marriage since the very beginning and I was going to ask her parents if I could marry her the very next week when I went home. I never thought I would be willing to marry someone (I was never serious in a relationship before her.) Since the breakup she has told me that she loves me and that she misses me. (This only applies in the moment she said it, it does seem like she is rather confused) She has told me that she even made a pro and con list about our relationship and there were way more pros but she is sticking to her decision. (Have you been asking her to get back together?) However, with all of the sweet things that she's been telling me she has also been mean. (This kind of tells me she is trying to push you away and letting you know her decision is final) She has liked tweets that were clearly about me, and taken pictures with other guys so I would see, and has even called me to tell me how happy breaking up has made her. (This indicates she feels some resentment towards you and seeking to punish you by telling you how she is happy. I don't really think she has been happy about it..)I've told her several times that if her mind is that made up then she need to quit contacting me so I could recover but she keeps texting and I always end up texting back because I don't ignore people. (She is behaving selfish and can't really let you go)I know that I have to move on but I'm afraid, I was ready to marry this girl and I don't know if I can feel that way again and I'm not really for sure if I want to feel that way about someone other than her.(Its understandable you feel this way, it must be shocking for you the way she is behaving with you and its normal you feel doubts if you could feel that way again, but in due time you will feel better) Thank you for listening to me.