Lost a long relationship, she found someone new immediately
Was in a relationship for about 10 years. It was rocky for about 5 years at least, with a yearly breakup attempt being a regular part of my life. This behavior deteriorated my mental health a lot over time.
But, we were always happier and more in love on the upswing. She was immensely affectionate, up intil she wasn't. She called me 'my love in intimate moments, cared for me and wished me the best, and in turn, I got so many opportunities to help her grow and be comfortable, to support her to no end.
All the same, having that experience mixed in with her breaking up with me, telling me to see people, then falling back in love when I fell for someone else, then I feel guilty and never really got over her, got back together...just to be abandoned again, and her find someone new.
I'm so deeply guilty about the relationship I left for her, especially as I knew it would end up worse, and like this.
She's supportive of me, what's to be happy and even be friends, but I can't really be around her for the massive transition of her being in love with me, to her life being so much better without me. She gets to be openly in love instead of ashamed and worried about the trouble we caused for each other (I was obsessive about keeping us together, and said and did some stuff I regret and that was wrong to keep our relationship going). She gets to be honest and open with her family about stuff she never revealed with me.
She gets a better and happier life all around, and all it took was giving me up, instead of following her promise to me that she'd tough it out and confront our problems.
I feel so hurt at an outcome I should have expected, but I so wanted it to work. I loved her so deeply, would have made any sacrifice to be with her...and she has not felt that way for a long time. So much more matters to her more, and she's happier without me.
It's hard to feel okay, and even with affection and care floating around, I'm not comfortable with myself. It's all so recent and painful, losing everything that mattered to me about my life, with everything else feeling so meaningless. To have that swept away feels like taking away my purpose in life, why I choose to go go work and how I decide that I'm living a life worth living.
I have a ton of support, from friends, my dad, and even her who broke my heart but wants me to be okay, who told me how it went and wants happiness for both of us, but I'm still struggling so badly, gasping for metaphorical air.
I can completely relate to your feeling. I had a turbulent 10yr relationship and 3 years married. 13 years later, my husband is now divorcing me.
I, like you, seem to be the most affected by it. I am three weeks into the process and he’s doing just fine if not better than when we were together. He tells me he got his vitality back and no longer feels like he’s dying.
i, on the other hand feel like I’m dying. I too have an extremely great support system but no matter what I do I can’t stop feeling as I do.
i say this all to you because I want you to know you are not alone. I don’t have any inspirational advice but I can only hope each day gets a little easier for you. I understand your struggle. I’m three weeks in and I’ve had tiny victories. I shower now. I don’t immediately try to contact my husband. I still have the urge to reconcile my marriage I don’t think that will fully go away. But I try to reach out to my support, use this app, everything I can but contact him.
I’m seeking therapy to try to deal with this because it’s too much to bear. I hope you can find what works for you. Please know you are not alone and I pray for you to heal.
