Love her or leave her?
I'm a truck driver. I was OTR over the road for 2 weeks home 2 days. Most jobs require this. For those who don't know we make decent money. 5k a month for me. My wife of 6 years. My highschool sweetheart. Cheated on me. ran up credit card debt for liquor. She drank everynight. She didn't tell me. She controls the money. I've always given her all of my check. All of it. She moved my brother in. He needed a place to stay. The problem he's a drug addict. So was my wife which I didn't know. I finally after getting enough experience get a local job I am home everyday now. I noticed there was tension between my wife and I. I had kicked my brother out a week before. Some context I was already angry with my brother he and I team drove together for a year with him stealing from me. My wife defended him even then. But one night He had slammed my wife's head into the wall in a drunken rage. While I was 4 states over. I got a local job and kicked him out. So my wife and I are sitting at Chili's. I'm very good at reading people. I look at my wife and ask her to tell me the truth I want the truth. What happened? She had sex with my brother. More than once. At least 3 times. Once is a mistake. More is purposeful. When she refused this last time he hit her and threw her into the wall in my house. I forgave her on the spot. Because that's who I am. But I keep thinking about it every second of every day. I've worked many years to control my emotions to make myself a good person. But my thoughts wander to them entangled with each other. Him living my life. while he was abusive. I am not. I asked if he forced her. He did not. But he was still living in my house. Being me. My wife putting his needs before mine. Treating me like I was the brother in law not the husband. I get so angry. My breath quickens my eyes blood shot and it takes everything in me to calm down and not break my hand on the closest thing near to me. I don't know what to do. He's in rehab now. She unemployed as she has been for the last 2 years and acts like nothing ever happened. And when I'm home and not at work I do the same. It's like instinct. I don't know what to do. Should I get a divorce? And try to meet someone who cares for me?
@Rulerofalbion101
Her cheating and lies (ommission of truth about her drinking and drugs are lies) led to this breakdown of trust. Yet, when you asked her upfront about him she admitted the whole truth, even that it was not forced. She respected you enough to give you the truth and let you make your decision. You chose to forgive her. What does forgiveness mean? To some it might mean the choice of subduing anger for the moment, to others it might mean agreeing to a second chance, to others it might mean a clean slate. Your reactions to the memories shows that you haven't been able to get past the hurt, that anger, the feeling of betrayal and the broken trust.
You have changed your life to be near her, to be in the same city and be home every night. You are showing that you care deeply about what happened, enough to put in so much effort towards mending things. What effort has she put into fixing the broken trust?
Being a kind or forgiving person does not mean you are excluded from feeling hurt, or from expecting things to change to avoid any more hurt. Maybe talk to her about how you feel, let her know that you forgave her but the deep pain remains within you and you need to work together to fix it.
Whether you should get a divorce and try to meet someone who cares for you?
Every human being has a fair share of strengths and weaknesses. Each and every one of us has good and bad within us. Her weaknesses were given certain circumstances that allowed her to act on them and she ended up hurting you badly. Even if you were to find someone different, there is no guarrantee that they would never hurt you. It is upto you to weigh your relationship with her and see whether the positives outweigh the negatives. Once you have analyzed that, and discussed with her what effort she is willing to put towards fixing what's broken, maybe you can answer that question for yourself.
All the best!
