Midlife crisis or something more

2 months ago my husband of 18 years of marriage, 25 total (been with him since I was 16) didn't come home and didn't call. He is a trucker - so I went and checked where is truck was parked. He wasn't there - I ended up finding him in a bar and he stated he "just couldn't do it anymore ". Since then he has said he "doesn't have the same feelings for me". He seems to try for a bit and then reverts back to "I just don't know and I can't do it anymore ". One minute he is along me pet names and saying he loves me - the next he ghosts me or is frigid. He is hanging out more woth friends, drinking more and twice has stayed in his truck instead of coming home. The pandemic was rough on us both - being essential workers and that put a strain on our relationship. I admit I haven't been on my best game during the past year. So...here we are two months past- him: " I don't have the same feelings...it's not working...but I don't want divorce" and at the same time is hanging with me when home and still planning holidays with me. I am so confused, hurt and a bit of a basket case. Sleep is fleeting, nausea and stomach issues is the norm - down 18 pounds. Some friends say it's a midlife crisis - he just wants to have fun. Others say he is being abusive and playing me. I am exhausted from being on this roller coaster ride. I don't know if I can hold on...maybe he is doing this to push me over the edge. I have a consultation with a lawyer tomorrow - I am so lost.