My (24F) boyfriend (22M) broke up with me because of the distance. I have the possibility to close the distance, but I am not sure what to do.

A bit of background info first: He and I are both enrolled in the same university program which requires you to spend the second year of studies abroad. We both didn't plan on starting a relationship because of this, but things happened, and we ended up together. Due to circumstances outside of our control, his year abroad had to be postponed by a year, while I was to go this year. This is how we went from having to be 1 year apart only to being 2 years apart.

Situation: We have been dating 10 month (8 month before I had to leave), and it was the perfect relationship, or at least as I saw it. We had very similar values where it was important (what to expect in a relationship, cultural values, love languages, etc.) and we complemented each other well in other aspects. Of course, there were things were we didn't see eye to eye (e.g. he smoked occasionally, which I was okay with, but he started smoking more regularly after a vacation with friends, which was something I took issue with; but we were able to talk it out, or so I think). We had a very open communication and could address issues when they arised. When I say that I thought that this was my forever, I am not exagerating (and I am usually a person who does not believe in such things, but I really think I found my soulmate). We spent a lot of time together, and it was not only because I wanted to; he would regularly say that he missed me whenever we went a couple of days without seeing each other. We are also both very physically affectionate people (holding hands, hugs, cuddles etc.).

Before I had to leave, we did talk about how we were going to do about the distance, and we both came to the conclusion that we were going to do long-distance, and that we were going to make it through it. We were to meet over winter holidays for a short time, then again in summer for longer, before he had to leave. To be honest, I was really worried that the distance would be too much for him; while I am very strong at heart, he doubts himself really quickly and tends to give up easily. But he kept reassuring me that we were going to be okay, and I trusted him.

Since I've been abroad, we called almost daily and texted regularly during the day. Things here have been really tough for me: University is so much tougher than back home, and I was (due to unfortunate circumstances) forced to take almost double the amount of classes than would be usual. So my mental health was crumbling, and I did vent to him quite a bit. He on the other hand has started another year of university back home and is hanging out with new classmates. He goes out regularly with a mixed group of people (which, btw, is totally fine with me; never said anything regarding this to him).

Three days ago, I brought up us meeting for the winter holidays (since it's not too far away). The original plan was for him to come visit me, since he likes the country I'm in and would like to take a vacation here. But, to my surprise, he said that for the 2 weeks of vacation that he had, he didn't think that it was worth the travel (long flights). I offered to instead go back home (my vacation is much longer), but he said that since he would have to be studying for exams during that time, we wouldn't be able to spend much time together. I was taken aback by that, since for me, even just a week would've been worth it, but I see where he is coming from. So I asked if he is aware that we'll only see each other in summer again, and he said yes.

Disclosure: I am an anxious person, and I overthink a lot. So after the conversation, I asked him flat out if he still thinks that these two years were going to be worth it, since I needed reassurance. But to my shock, he said he wasn't a 100% sure anymore. He said that he is weak, but he is not ready for a break up. But he is not sure anymore if he can do this, that he is not ready for a long-distance relationship. We were only going to see each other twice a year for two years and he is simply not ready for it. That's when he broke up with me.

I have been dumped before, under worse circumstances, but I have never felt so heartbroken before. He was a part of my future, I can't imagine it without him in it. It honestly feels like I am physically dying, I can't breathe without it hurting, and my body feels numb.

I have tried telling myself that it is normal during a breakup, but I, a usually very rational person, just can't shake the feeling that I just lost the love of my life. It was so out of the blue as well, we were doing so well just the day before.

I have been stuck wondering if it is just insecurity on his side about him being able to stick it out for two years without doing me wrong. It would fit his personality very well. He also says that he still loves me, and he still checks up on me (wyd etc.).

The thing is, I have been in contact with my home university about cancelling my studies here and going back home (mental health), I didn't tell him because I hadn't received a reply yet and I didn't wanna get his hopes up. But of course, after he broke up, I did tell him that I might be coming back for good in winter. I asked him again if he broke up because of the distance or because of other reasons. He says it is because of the distance, but he cannot guarantee that we will get back together once I'm back, that he is not sure if he wants us to get back together. My guess is that it's because he is to leave the year after again, but I am not sure.

I am honestly so lost and confused and hurting so badly.

What do I do now? My hope is that if I do go back, that seeing each other in person again will make him want to get back together, but even I know it sounds a bit like wishful thinking. Because honestly, a big reason for me to want to cancel my studies and go back home is that (beside me just really hating the uni and where I am at now and my mental health suffering) I wanted to go back to his side. The distance has been killing me, and for the first time in my life, I was ready to sacrifice something I wanted for myself (reputation from the university abroad) for a relationship, because I really think that he is the love of my life. This is so unlike me, and I am so confused about the fact that I feel so strongly about this. I just cannot shake the feeling that I will regret this for the rest of my life if I do not go back and at least try.

I am so desperate, I don't know what to do, I just want him back, I miss him so terribly.

I have never been so sure about someone being the love of my life and I am afraid that I might be making a big mistake if I don't at least try to save this.