My Wife has left me for her boss
From day 1 of her new job, this guy was promising her a promotion and took her under his wing and personally trained her. She was talking about him every day and how nice he was. This was odd because she is quite shy. Then two weeks into her job she said that she hasn’t been happy with me in all the time we’ve been together (7 years) and wished she hadn’t married me…I was stunned! I’ve never met a person who’d showed me so much love and was even proud of me. We have had our ups and downs but more ‘ups’ I thought. So she went to her folks house for ‘space’ and in 2 days she missed me and came back. In the next two weeks she just got colder and colder, and distant…I figured out that she was probably having feelings for her boss. And she admitted to it, so she left and went back to her folks, it’s been a week and 5 out of the 7 days she’s visited me and told me she loved me and gave me a nice hug and kiss. So today I asked her if she missed me, loved me and if she would consider trying family therapy? She said she did miss and love me, but still wants space and to continue seeing her boss, but claims theirs no sex, which I could care less about, I just want her back. The thing is, is this guy smokes weed and so does she and she’s always wanted me to do that with her, but I just don’t enjoy it. It seems like theirs drugs involved too. She is a former Meth addict who has been clean for 9 years except one slip up. This guy has adderall and other things he’s into and is well known for it. I didn’t give her an ultimatum, I just said we should at least give it a try again or we probably need to have no contact. It’s killing me because she’s giving me such mixed messages, or is she just so guilty about cheating (physical or emotionally cheating is about the same I suppose?) that she won’t give me a straight answer? She gets upset when I talk…keeps saying I’m making her feel bad and guilty. I’ve actually started seeing a therapist over it. I’m British in the USA and work from home and have no friends. I’m going to find a job just to have human contact, the anxiety is overwhelming! I sound like a ‘Mark’ or a ‘Soft touch’ as they say in Scotland :( weird situation! I guess I don’t need advice, because it’s probably obvious this dude has his hooks in her with weed and pills, I’m just venting I suppose. Just suffering tonight. It’s actually my first post too…
@watchguy28, I hope you find good friends 
Thanks
I'm sorry to hear about this! 5 years ago I came out of a marriage it wasn't great in end, the last 2 years I believe we fell out of love which happens i found myself getting attached by someone at work because she was showing me more attention then my wife was, my wife noticed this, nothing physically happened but I was spending alot of time with this woman, it caused alot of problems between us and she wanted to breakup, I realised it was a waste to just lose my marriage like that, so I backed off this woman at work and fixed my marriage.....I thought because a year later she was like she couldn't get over the fact I was interested in my co worker and she was hurt too much and wanted to get a divorce then when I moved out I come to find out she had moved on so quickly because she did the exact same thing, she got really close with someone at her work and as soon as we broke up she started dating this guy. Its easy to get attached to someone you work with, I hope for you she isn't getting back on the drugs, if she is acting the way she is I believe because she's excited about this new person, I know it hurts and its so hard to let people go but you shouldn't be treated like that, like you shouldn't let her go have fun with another guy while you wait for her to come back to you, you deserve someone that wants to focus on you only
Thank you, that is very helpful!
@watchguy28,
I feel your confusion, hurt, pain, anger. A whirlpool of emotions, and it drives you nuts. It becomes part of you. If you step out, for instance by starting to slowly and relaxed breathing, and put all your focus, gentle and softly, on breathing, then look at the situation, is there anything you can do? Truly do? Seemslike a no to me. So all you can do is accept. That doesn't mean that you should not get emotional. It means that you acknowledge your emotions, shout, curse, cry, whatever, without giving in to them. As then they take over, driving you nuts.
So, each time you feel starting getting tense, sad, whatever, focus on breathing, and look at the situation.
Each time.
And again.
And again.
My wife had an emotional affair and I can tell you, I rather wish she would have had a psychical affair. Your wife, sharing her deepest thoughts with someone who is not you? And yes, we are gonna divorce, my wife wants one, she told me yesterday. And yes, her affair plays a role. There is more however, it's a complicated story. I sort of got too "involved" in her affair. Thinking, thinking, suspicions, denials, at a time I was very vulnerable.
Don't go there, don't create stories. Just watch the situation, and let go when you startv to feel relaxed. It's her choice, nothing you can do about it. Maybe apart from lettingher know that you love her. Just a small note where she will notice. Just a simple "I love you" can work wonders. It basically says "no matter what I do, I can rely on my husband".
Take care, and don't get carried away. Making steps to get more acquinted to others is a great idea! It also shows you are not gonna hang around and see what happens.
Thanks for that. I will try. I think it’s a midlife crisis she’s going through. But I told her today that I don’t know how long I can wait, I tell her I love her a lot, but I don’t think she thinks she can rely on me. The other guy says the same. So he’s the new exciting option I guess? I’m on the couch suffering right now, feel like a wuss! I think I’m going to do ‘no contact’ soon. Sucks but I’ll be ok, therapy on the 17th, which seems like a long time away.